Despite all this I believed in myself – not in a spiritual, ‘God is on my side’ kind of way, but rather in a mathematical probability kind of way – the kind of way that had me reasoning that if I tried enough things I would finally find something I could do ‘better than average’. I ‘evolved’ through a process not too dissimilar to Darwin’s ‘Natural Selection’ whereby I gave up on the things I was clearly destined to fail at and applied more energy to the things I showed some promise for. In this process of elimination which probably started in about grade 4, I tried my hand at everything! I tried every track and field event that existed and found that although I sprinted about as fast as a giraffe running on well oiled ice, my long legs were a great advantage for hurdles, high jump, the 1500m run and the 3000m walking race for which I won a few Johannesburg boys records. I tried my hand at tumbling, ballet, choir, debating, drama, speech, rugby, soccer, cricket, chess, math & science contests, art contest and other activities – many of which I suffered humiliating failure at.

During this time of trial and error, and several embarrassing blunders I’d rather not remember, I was also finding myself, and realizing that my set of skills was unique, and that I didn’t need to be like anyone else or impress anyone else with something I was never going to be impressive with. I started to get a sense of my strengths and weaknesses and realized that I would have to use the weapons at my disposal to achieve success in my own life and not try and shoot with someone else’s gun. Today I consult… and train… and speak… and design… and cook and hundreds of other things because I still try everything in my quest to uncover all the hidden weapons in my arsenal. For everything I find I’m good at, there are five other things I suck at first – but if I don’t try I’ll never know.

I know that many people reading this article allow low self esteem to railroad their success and discovery. For you every failure is just another ‘sign’ to give up and throw in the towel. Some people are looking for anything that will back up their opinion that they’re a failure. In my journey I have learned a few things about life I’d like to share in simple terms – I hope something speaks to you:

• If you don’t believe in yourself – no one else will – really!!!
• Most people give up just before they’re about to break through.
• Everyone is the best in the world at something.
• You can do anything – you just haven’t learned how yet.
• It’s OK to have enemies. If everyone likes you, something’s wrong.
• Help other people become great and your success will follow.
• Don’t EVER be scared to ask questions. Pretending to be clever is really dumb.
• Don’t rate your successes and failures by other people’s standards. You have to live your life – not them!
• Don’t tolerate people talking down to you or dismissing your potential. Stand up for yourself.
• Don’t live other people’s dreams – live your own.
• Don’t get freaked out when people tease or ridicule you about your inadequacies, it’s just their own self hatred manifesting. Don’t ever tease other people in this way – you’re poisoning yourself.
• Try everything once before you say you can’t or that you don’t ‘like’ it.
• Understand your limitations. Maximize your strengths.
• When you fail, get over it!!! Get up, and get going again.

We have all failed. We will all fail. These are undeniable truths. Most of your successes have come from how you’ve handled your failures. There are people who…

• fail and then believe they are ‘failures’ – triggering a cycle of failure in their lives.
• have suffered from some big failures and have thrown in the towel. They’re tired and have lost all hope for future success.
• deny their failures and shift the blame. These people never succeed because they never learn or grow.
• are scared of failing and so never try anything daring, anything risky, and anything big in their lives – just in case they fail in the attempt.
• believe it is a sin to fail. They have been trained to perform at all times and meet the expectations of someone else. This devolves into points 1 and 3 above.

Being scared of failure is about as clever as being afraid that you might be hit by a crashing plane on the way to work. If we keep thinking about it we’ll never leave home. In the case of the plane we push aside the fear by considering the how miniscule the probability is of that ever happening. In the case of failure we need to develop a sense of self esteem and adaptability. So what if I fail? I’ll try again, or I’ll try something else, or I’ll use the failure as a catalyst for a new plan of action.

I remember my first ever assembly as head boy. It was my role to assemble the 1000 or so students in the quadrangle and go through a list of general announcements while the teachers filed in from their morning staff meeting. I had my new flashy blazer on and a few natural stage-fright jitters. I took a deep breath and strode boldly onto stage to take my place behind the microphone at the podium. Just as my long clumsy legs approached the ‘spotlight’, my size 12 feet swept up the microphone cable and in an instant I was falling like a giant redwood among the ruins of podium, mic and cables. In that instant I had to decide what to do with my failure. Would I lie there like a rabbit in the headlights or would I get up and acknowledge that I hadn’t made a great start to my year and get on with what had to be done. I got up and joined in the applause and laughter I was receiving from the crowd – told a joke – and carried on with the announcements. I had many failures that year, but in the end I think my season as head prefect was a successful one.

Anyone who claims never to have failed is either delusional or Superman, and even Superman fails a whole bunch in the new era of comics. So what do you do when you fail? Here are some suggestions for getting over failure and moving on to success:

• Assess the situation honestly. Ask yourself why you failed. Consider which of the reasons for your failure had to do with poor decisions and which were out of your control. Be honest. Ask the opinion of someone you trust to give you perspective.
• Learn from your mistakes! If you made a poor decision – acknowledge it – and decide how you might have done it better if you could do it again.
• Don’t wallow! There is no benefit in telling yourself what a loser you are, or sitting in a dark room drowning in misery and self pity. This attitude is a failure in itself! Get up. Call a friend. Talk about it. Get it out of your system. Move on!!
• Consider who you are. You are not the sum of your failures. You are so much more! You have talents, skills, passions, dreams, gifts and attributes that are unique in the world – in fact I believe that everyone is the best in the world at something – you may just need to find out what it is.
• Get back on the horse! Leave the past where it belongs and dare to try something else. Most great achievers suffered massive failures before they discovered their success.
• Put things in perspective. Many people think they have failed because they have been conditioned to see certain things as failures that are not. For example, a man is retrenched and finds himself unable to pay the bills for a few months. Is this failure? Not at all! He hardly needs to feel ‘guilty’ about circumstances out of his control. It can become failure if he gives up hope, sleeps all day and stops looking for new opportunities – but that’s a different story.
• Plan. To get over your failures you need to plan and strategize. What’s your next step? Write it down. Discuss it with a friend. Draw pictures. Make phone calls. Send emails. Get organized.

We might not always have direct control over our successes, but we certainly have control over how we handle our failures. When you fail – and you will most certainly fail at something – exercise your will and look to your success.

Success = Achieving a personal goal to do, have or be something

Hard work = Application of personal energy, effort and time in the sense that it requires some degree of personal sacrifice or exertion.

Luck = Chance or random coincidence outside of your direct personal control, or if you insist – an act of God.

The definition of success here is the critical factor. Bashir, who asked me this question, used the following example: two people with similar backgrounds, with the same education and of the same cultural and language grouping are employed at the same time in a large company. After 5 years one of them has a middle management position and earns double the salary of the other who is still in a clerical position ‘at the bottom of the ladder’. What made the one more successful than the other?

My immediate question to Bashir is, “Who are we assuming to be the more ‘successful’ of the two?” to which Bashir might reply, “Huh? The first of course! The one with the position and the money!!” And that’s exactly the problem with how we see success. If our personal goal is to make a million dollars, we tend to rate the success of everyone around us by that same goal, i.e. Carol hasn’t made a million dollars so she’s not as successful as Bruce. But according to my definition of “Achieving a personal goal”, Carol may be entirely successful at her goal of ironing the laundry for the day, and in Bashir’s example, the middle manager is only ‘successful’ in the context of a personal goal that goes something like, “I want to be a manager and earn double my current income in the next five years”. For all we know, the clerical guy might be more successful if his personal goal was to have a simple 8 to 5 job with low responsibility and no take home work so that he could spend more time enjoying his wife and kids.

As you can see, answering the question ‘Is success hard work or luck?’ has a lot to do with what someone is trying to be successful AT. I propose that luck and hard work play different roles depending on the context of success. The rules change depending on what we’re talking about in the same way that Newtonian physics doesn’t seem to apply at a molecular level, for which we use a different set of rules which we call Quantum physics.

I propose three ‘contexts’ for success: The Red Zone, The Blue Zone, and the Twilight Zone.

In the Red Zone our success is entirely dependent on us doing something about it. Unless a bolt of lightning escapes the twilight zone to thwart our attempts at success, we will achieve our goal through at least some sweat and effort. Of course the whole notion of working ‘smarter not harder’ can also apply here, but nevertheless, work is required. Examples of achieving Red Zone success are:

• Having a clean home. The dishes aren’t going to wash themselves no matter how lucky you are or how much God loves you.
• Becoming a novelist. You’re going to have to write a book to achieve this, there’s no getting around it.

In the Blue Zone our success is not entirely up to us, but it’s not entirely out of our influence either. In this zone our own efforts tend to improve our probability for success even if they don’t ensure it. Examples include:

• Recovering after a car accident injury. Our own desire to recover and subsequent interventions (hard work) will have a positive effect on the success of our recovery but we cannot determine the ultimate specifics of our recovery. There may be unknown neural or spinal complications outside of our control which have countering effects, thereby ‘lowering’ our chances of success.
• Getting employed. You can go to a job interview and say all the right things and wear the right clothes, but someone else decides if you’re the right candidate for the job. Performing well at the interview will ‘increase your chances’ for success but not guarantee your position.
• Winning the lotto. Even though the probabilities are almost entirely against this, success still requires human intervention in the form of buying a ticket. This is very close to Twilight zone success but still in the blue zone.

In the Twilight zone our success has (seemingly) nothing to do with our own efforts at all. At first glance it would seem that this type of success is entirely random or accidental. Examples include:

• Inheriting a fortune. You didn’t ask for it – you didn’t work for it – you just got born in the right place at the right time.
• Sudden death. You’re Donald Trump about to complete your latest hotel venture and your helicopter crashes to the ground or you’re struck by lightning. Not your choice, but you have to live with it… or die with it in this case.
• You get ‘found’ by a talent scout. There are millions of really beautiful girls in the world but some talent agent travels to Morocco and finds a village girl who he takes back to the US and turns into the world’s next big supermodel. Her beautiful friend is still collecting water from a dusty desert well. Hard work? I think not.

There are any number of theories that attempt to ‘explain’ the results of the twilight zone including God, a universal ‘force’, fate, karma, etc. but for the purposes of this article we will leave these ideas alone, except to agree that things happen to us that we don’t control.

These zones could be represented with two circles, the Red and Twilight zones, intersecting at the blue zone as in the diagram below:

Any personal goal or ambition we have will fall into one of these ‘zones’. Understanding which zone the goal is ‘in’ is important for understanding why we regularly fail or succeed in achieving those goals. For example, someone who constantly feels like a ‘failure’ in their job searching because they have a misplaced belief that they don’t need to ‘do’ anything except ‘wait on God’ might find themselves wondering why they never succeed. Job hunting is a Blue zone activity which becomes more inevitable the more effort/energy is applied to the search. Then again someone might spend days and days doing a rain dance in the Sahara in dry season and wonder why their ‘efforts’ are not being rewarded, i.e. attempting to increase twilight zone success. I will write more on these ideas in future articles.

I want to focus here on the Blue zone – an area that is not unlike a strategic war game, where regular good tactics usually overcome the ups and downs of bad dice rolling. My sense (untested at this point) is that some people are more skilled at understanding the probabilities at play in their success and the ingredients required for managing those probabilities and improving their chances at success. So let’s consider Bashir’s question about the middle manager and the clerk. I will assume that the two people in question had a similar personal goal – to get promoted in the company and earn lots of money – one succeeded and the other ‘failed’. This goal is clearly a Blue zone goal: their success, although not entirely in their own hands, will be influenced by various factors (I’ll use the term ingredients) including attitude, communication skills, work hours, problem solving and other personal sacrifices or efforts by the individuals involved.

Here are some of the ingredients I believe increase the probability of success:

• Perseverance: Often the probabilities increase simply because, in time, the competition moves out or moves on, leaving you in a better position to “fill the gap”. Giving up too soon negates this principle.
• Knowledge: This increases your ability to apply your efforts wisely and play a more tactical war game. Reading and practice are critical here.
• Resources: It goes without saying that many probability reducers go away when you throw a little money at them.
• Self belief: Low self esteem is sure to lower your chances at success. Self belief influences every thought and action of your life.
• Courage: The ability to suppress terror and take action despite fear of loss, rejection, humiliation, conflict etc. is a key ingredient for success.
• Relationships: Developing a strong network of allies will weigh the dice in your favour.
• Communication: You’re more likely to attract the resources and people you need for success if you have good communication skills. People also take you more seriously.

These are just a few ingredients for improving your odds in the Blue zone. Of course all the luck in the world won’t help you if you throw double 1′s, or a bolt of lightning leaves the twilight zone and zaps you, but because we have no control over these mishaps of luck it makes sense to apply your efforts to improving your odds until success becomes inevitable.

My good friend Basil suggested that the Blue zone is where the good stuff happens – the creative stuff – the innovations. I agree with him. I think we’ve all been zapped by a few unexpected ‘acts of god’ in our lives, and when that happens we tend to be scared of going too close to the twilight zone and prefer to scuttle around in the Red zone where things are entirely predictable and ‘risk free’. You may find that your ‘impossible dreams’ are not so improbable when you start applying some of the ingredients I have suggested. Remember, to win the lotto you have to buy a ticket – and although I don’t respect gambling because of the insane odds, I think some of the so called ‘risks’ we’re so afraid to take have very respectable odds when it’s all broken down.

Please send your comments. I’m especially interested to hear what you think are the factors that influence the odds in the Blue zone.

One of the things that changed for me was that I finally realized I wasn’t Superman. Yes, I used to believe I could jump tall buildings in a single bound, and almost could; or win every argument through sheer force of character, without knowledge; or cure cancer, in Jesus name! Now I’m happy if I can get through a day without taking Voltaren for my back or finding a letter from a creditor in the post box. Things aren’t as simple now as they were at age 18, and although that doesn’t make life any less worth living, it does sometimes make me wish I could go back in time and give myself some advice or at least a klap across the head. So here are some of the things I would tell myself – some of them I worked out early on my own and others… well, I wish I had.

1.    Travel. There is a huge difference between those that have left the caves of their miniscule existence in their home, their suburb, their local McDonalds, and those who haven’t. People who travel develop a balanced world view and a level of tolerance that you don’t find in insular communities.

2.    Get a degree. It really doesn’t matter what degree, just do the three to five years required to get the certificate. This develops the habit for reading and study in your adult years, but most importantly it opens vital career opportunities. On the flip side if you’re well into your twenties or more and don’t have a degree then start one now – it’s never too late.

3.    Learn how to use a computer. I can’t stress this enough. It won’t be long before most of our activities are virtual. You need to enter the working world with I.T. competency – right now that means knowing your way around Microsoft Office and the Internet as a minimum standard.

4.    Turn off the TV. Read my two articles on the matter. ‘Nuff said.

5.    Learn about accounting and tax. Whether you’re going to spontaneously launch your own small business or just keep your personal affairs in order, you’re going to need to know how these things work. Save yourself a lot of trouble and heartache and learn this young!

6.    Think twice about getting married young… or even at all. Sure, society has been promoting this way of life since the beginning of time, but the facts are overwhelming against marital success, especially for those who marry young. I know the religious among us gasp in astonishment at this notion, but let them gasp, and you live your life with your eyes wide open. Love because you want to love, not because you’re looking to find a slave you can control forever, or become a slave to a religious or legal contract. Love, intimacy and commitment have nothing to do with contracts. If you are married, chill – I’m not speaking a death sentence over your relationship, but many of you, if you were honest enough to admit it, would agree that it may not have been the best idea ever.

7.    Have sex. If you have a (consensual) lover or spouse, don’t deny each other; pleasure each other; give each other plenty of orgasms; spend tons of time being naked together; and liberate your sexuality. Society in general and religion in particular make us deny our sexuality, relegating it to embarrassing conversations in private corners; or dingy downtown porn shops; or to the purpose of procreation alone (in the missionary position of course). This is insane! People who don’t have regular sex are usually miserable and uptight. Be safe of course!

8.    Live according to your means. I see thousands of young people living someone else’s dream for their lives, which generally involves buying a house in a suburb; and a luxury car; and a swimming pool; and the latest in technology; and… and… and! If you want to be an artist then you should go ahead and pursue your dream, but understand that it will mean being real about how you live and what you have. At the end of the day it really doesn’t matter if you’re living in a one bedroom flat in the middle of the city if you’re doing what you’re passionate about. You can always swim in someone else’s pool.

9.    Learn another language. The joke goes, “What do you call someone who speaks three languages?” (Trilingual), “Good, and what do you call someone who speaks two languages?” (Bilingual), “Good, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?” (American). One of the most useful things you will ever do is learn another language. It will open your mind and improve your capacity for understanding the world you live.

10.    Don’t always follow the rules. Some rules make sense and following them is wisdom. Some rules make no sense at all and are designed to control you or keep you from inconveniencing someone else at your expense. Some rules have been there for hundreds of years and no one can remember who made them or why we’re still following them. Some rules are worthy and yet at times it is still wisdom to break them for a worthier purpose. Question the rules you live by, ask yourself why they’re there and whether those reasons make sense. The greatest men (and women) in history became great because they broke a rule, not because they were sheep who blindly followed. See my article on being a salmon, not a sheep. There are worse things in life than getting into trouble – living without passion is one of them.

Hmmm… I think this needs another post.