Deon Barnard

The point of this article is to highlight how billions of otherwise rational people gamble on insane odds in the area of their religious ‘faith’. Many religious people tell me that Atheists are making the gamble, because if they (Christians for instance) are wrong they ‘lose nothing’, but if we (Atheists) are wrong we ‘go to Hell’. I was a Christian, the convicted deeply sure kind – missionary, pastor – the works. I can tell every Christian that if they’re wrong (and I know they are), not only do they lose an incredible amount in terms of wasted time and personal resources, but they are accountable to humanity for terrible atrocities and ubiquitous control and manipulation of populations. If Atheists are wrong they bring a strong argument to a ‘loving God’ that they had no reason to believe and surely would not be punished for eternity for being reasonable. Let’s talk about that ‘reason’ not to believe…

Because this article is about probability and reasonable evidence I will use a casino metaphor. We’ll call it the ‘Casino Argument’. All over the world hundreds of thousands of people play slot machines at casinos. I don’t personally play because the probabilities of winning are so remote that I’d have a better chance of coming across that money by working hard, which is also more enjoyable to me than sitting on a stool and pressing a button for hours on end. Nevertheless, people keep doing it. They ‘believe’ they have a chance of winning because they have evidence that others have won – i.e. it is possible. There may be a one in a million chance of winning – insanely improbable odds – but those odds are backed by the fact that real people actually do win. We can get their addresses and verify their winnings with a bank statement or casino records. We have tangible evidence that million-dollar-winners actually exist in the world.

Now let’s say there was absolutely no evidence that anybody ever won at a particular casino. For years there was never an officially announced winner and the casino had no records of such a thing ever happening. No winner was ever published in a newspaper or announced on the TV. No-one had ever SEEN a winner. Would people keep going to that casino with one-in-a-million odds against them and no knowledge of their ever having been a winner? Probably not. A rational person, even a rational gambler, would find a casino where there was some evidence to back his faith in the machine.

But what if rumors started to circulate that a guy called ‘Moses’ (a popular South African name) had won a million dollars, but that he chose to keep it a secret and forbade the newspapers from publishing the story, and the casino conveniently ‘lost’ the records. On top of that Moses had no surname and no-one knew where he lived or how to find him. Would the ‘Moses Myth’ add weight to their belief in a win? For some it would, but for most it would make more sense to go to a casino where real people, rather than myths, won real money from time to time.

Now back to religion. The average human is not entirely stupid in my view – if I thought they were I wouldn’t bother writing these articles. On the contrary I see people making logical decisions every day. When people make decisions about moving home or personal finances or career plans etc. they use logic and reason. They weigh up the facts and go for the option that makes more logical sense. At times two options have the same weight and then they either go with feeling or preference or seek advice from someone who might tip the scales one way or another.

Why is religion exempt from this rational approach? Why do we believe ‘Moses Myths’ when there is an overwhelming amount of evidence to the contrary? Why do we hold onto something with insane odds when the odds presented by science and reason are almost undeniable? I think the reasons are similar to that of another great illogicality – love. They say love is blind and it usually is. Millions of people fall out of love every day and yet when they fall in love again they forget all the lessons learned from the previous round of insanity. Why? Because it feels good! Because we don’t want to be alone. Because we want to be acceptable and accepted. Because we need someone else to give us a reason.

Just because the benefits of feeling in love doesn’t make a ‘happily ever after’ true – so the benefits of religion (feeling good; communal acceptance; people to do things with during the week; feeling right or justified; something to stand for; etc.) don’t make the myth true. While religious people harp on about the ‘good’ that religions do for the world, they refuse to recognize how pervasively sinister the whole thing is, and more importantly, how they personally contribute to the insanity of war, death, bondage, manipulation and mind control from the warmth and safety of their prayer meetings, worship sessions and church family fêtes.

Many religious people will get personally offended by this article because, in their minds, religion, or certainly their own religion, is above reproach, question or analysis – it is simply true and requires no reasonable evidence! I do have hope however that some rational religious people, if that is in fact possible, will respond with probabilities and evidence to back up their belief and follow the rules of rational discussion they would use for any other topic.

Wow, what a title! If that doesn’t pull in some visitors then I don’t know what will. I write this article as a male who is tired of the never ending whining of women who make statements like, “My husband/boyfriend/lover is afraid of intimacy” or, “He’s not interested in intimacy, he just wants sex” or, “I’m really hoping we can go and see a therapist about his intimacy problems”… excuse me while I puke.

Firstly, let’s clear up what intimacy actually is – Wikipedia says: Intimacy generally refers to the feeling of being in a close personal association and belonging together. It is a familiar and very close affective connection with another as a result of entering deeply or closely into relationship through knowledge and experience of the other. Genuine intimacy in human relationships requires dialogue, transparency, vulnerability and reciprocity.

I know any number of couples, and I speak from painful personal experience, where the same woman complaining about intimacy in her husband is herself entirely deficient in the areas of dialogue, transparency, vulnerability and reciprocation. The uncomfortable truth about intimacy is that it takes two to tango. The reasons preventing women from wanting to become ‘vulnerable’ and ‘honest’ with their husbands may be the same reasons that give men the reputation of ‘not being intimate’.

Here are some myths that need busting:

Myth 1: Men fear commitment

Truth: Men are scared of committing to the wrong person for the rest of their lives. The idea of being with someone they don’t connect with on anything more than a superficial level, for the rest of their lives, is the stuff of nightmares.

Myth 2: Men only want sex

Truth: Of course men want sex, as do women, but unlike women, men can have sex just for fun, and don’t use it as the only assessment criteria of a good relationship. Men can have sex in the good times and the bad and, being poor at multitasking, tend not to relate their emotions during love making to every other emotion they’ve felt for the last month, blaming one on the other. Men want lots of things! If women were less critical about their partner’s sex drive and more interested in what really makes them tick, they’d be surprised to find a complex, emotional, thinking being with a great desire for intimacy and connectedness.

Myth 3: Men fear intimacy

The opposite is true. Men crave intimacy, but with the right person. Intimacy requires a connection, a chemistry, a coming together of souls. A man is not going to get intimate with someone that does not feed his spirit as much as he feeds theirs. True, many men can have sex with anyone and pretty much at any time, but believe me; they know the difference between sex and intimacy. In the heart of a man is the desire for a life partner, someone who will dig below the surface and find the real him, and when they do, will accept them for exactly who they are without judgment or intolerance. A man won’t be truly intimate with someone who judges him negatively for being who he is. He can have sex with such a person; he can smile and entertain guests with such a person… but his heart will remain closed.

Another point to consider here is (quoting another famous author) ‘He may just not be that into you’. You can’t force, manipulate or coerce someone into loving you – they either do or they don’t. Getting angry and making demands won’t improve the situation; it’ll just make it worse. Multitudes of counselors and therapists can’t flip a switch of love or intimacy in someone – the most they can accomplish is to offer tips for reasonable behavior. I have seen many good men reduced to well behaved pets who speak when they’re supposed to, smile at the right times and put on a good show for friends and family… inside they’re dying and longing for authenticity.

In summary: Contrary to the popular pro-women’s-needs philosophies so prolific in self help books, television talk shows and magazines; women would do well to stop and consider carefully the real dynamics at play in their relationships – not just what they’re ‘not getting’ from their male partners but a deeper look at the genuine commonalities and connectedness between them required for true intimacy. You may just find that you’re flogging a dead horse.

Watch this space for my upcoming article to men: How to make your woman feel loved

This is a little allegory that has been developing in my head over the past couple of years. It’s a bit like religion and a bit like organised society and a bit like… well, you decide.

There once was an island, cut off from the rest of the world on which a large group of simple people lived. The island only had one source of food, the pigs that lived in the forest in the middle of the island. As people became hungry they would go into the forest in small groups to find and kill a pig to sustain themselves for a while. However, there was a growing crisis on the island. People were starting to notice that it was becoming more and more difficult to find pigs in the forest, and they started to fear that some day their food would run out and they would all starve.

The leaders of the island community got together and said, ‘Let us place around the forest a boundary, and let us prevent people from catching pigs any time they please. Let us place guards in the forest and give them authority to prevent people from catching pigs – we will call these guards Pleece. Let us hold a monthly feast where we kill a pig and all eat sparingly so that the pigs will have an opportunity to recover their numbers. Let us call the feast Pigoween. Let us make a sacred law that nobody may catch or kill pigs except those that are nominated to do so for the monthly feast. We will call these people Sivelserfs.

So the leaders gathered the people together and decreed the sacred law and inducted the Pleece and the Sivilserfs into service. They showed the people where the boundary was and made it very clear that no one was to cross it. For a while people only ate at the feast of Pigoween but one day while the Pleece were roaming through the forest they noticed blood on the floor, and after doing a survey of all the pigs they realised that someone had come into the forest at night and killed a pig without permission. The leaders decided to enroll more Pleece and arm them with bigger clubs and sharper swords for the protection of the pigs, but still from time to time pigs went missing. Sometimes the offenders were caught and punished and sometimes they evaded the Pleece and got away without punishment.

The leaders gathered again to discuss the problem. They realised that enforcing the sacred law through threat of force was not stopping the people. If they were hungry enough they would be willing to confront the Pleece who guarded the pigs. They needed the people to ‘want’ to obey without the need for physical barriers. So they invented a myth. They decided that they needed to instill inside the people a genuine fear of the pigs and the forest. They gathered the people together and told them a story. They told the people that there was a creature in the forest called the great Spreet. They told the people that the great Spreet was a fearsome being that could tear a man apart with just a thought, and that the great Spreet had told the leaders what he required. The Spreet told them that the pig was a sacred beast that should not be eaten without the required rituals. In fact the Spreet would destroy any man that came into the forest at any time other than the time of the Pigoween feast, and even then, only Spreet priests would be permitted to kill the holy pig, chosen by the great Spreet himself. The leaders consecrated one among themselves who was to be the Spreet priest on behalf of the people. The leaders went on to say that the great Spreet would utter mysterious and fantastical secrets to the priest and that the people should come together each week to worship the great Spreet and hear the mysteries that had been passed on to the priest. Anyone found not attending the fellowship of Spreet would be disappointing the great Spreet and should fear for his life; however, those that honoured the great Spreet would be prosperous and never go hungry.

A temple was built for the weekly gathering of Spreet worshippers and the priest spoke to the people each week of the great Spreet. He told them many mysteries that they could not understand and warned them of the dire consequences of disobeying the great Spreet and crossing the pig line. The people feared the great Spreet and they feared the priest of the Spreet. Those that did not believe the story were beaten publically, and those few that crossed the pig line anyway were killed by the Pleece who patrolled the pig line or the servants of the priest of Spreet inside the forest who believed they would be rewarded by Spreet for their great service. The plan worked and the people only ate pig at Pigoween. People restrained themselves because of the fear of Spreet. The pigs in the forest began to multiply and the crisis was averted.

Years went by, the leaders died, and the people of the Island passed the pig myth down to their children and they in turn to their own children. The worship of Spreet became known as Pygdom. As the years passed, the stories changed and became more complex. The weekly gathering of Spreet became the central tradition of the island. A great book was created in which all the many stories and laws of Spreet were written so that future generations would understand how to live and be prosperous on the island. The most holy symbol of the worshippers of Spreet was the pig. The forest pigs grew exponentially in number and were worshipped by the people, who had stopped eating pigs altogether and found other sources of food on the Island.

The people felt they were happy and understood the meaning of life and the mysteries of Spreet, the great and unseen one.

To be continued soon…

The average westernized, modern, city-dwelling person has bought into a myth which I like to call the timeline. The timeline is so all encompassing that most people don’t have a clue they’re on it. Some believe it’s the “right” way to live and some know there’s something wrong but can’t put their finger on it. We’re groomed and prepared for the timeline from birth. Our parents get the ball of indoctrination rolling and the systems take over. At school we’re told that following the timeline makes us “good citizens”. At church we’re told that following the timeline makes us “good Christians”. The media reinforces the timeline 24 hours per day as the masses stare in a zombie-like state at the colourful and convincing messages that scream out, “You NEED this car”; “Buy this product”; “Don’t let your loved ones down – get life insurance”; “Retire in style – open a policy now”; “Don’t be left destitute when thieves break into your home – insure with us”; “You can’t get a job without a degree – enrol now”.

The timeline is the spoken and unspoken social requirement that everyone should get registered, schooled, graduate from college, get married (forever), have two and a half kids, buy a home, have two dogs, go to church, get a safe job with a regular income, start saving for retirement and death, get promoted, buy a fancy car, teach your kids to live the timeline, retire and die – and by the way, through all of this try not to look for trouble, don’t challenge the system, fear God, fear your government and don’t take any risks.

We are programmed to be acceptable, fearful and amiable. The only ambition that is taken seriously is the ambition to make more and more money. We are driven, practically foaming at the mouth, to make more money, all with the end goal in mind of “retiring” in comfort and having nothing to “worry” about. We earn and earn at the expense of our families, our relationships, our health and mental and spiritual wellbeing. We give up our own personal and meaningful dreams to adopt the myth in the understanding that one day we’ll be happy if we just follow all the rules.

Here are some reasons why the timeline is a myth:

1. Money is a means, not an end

Money can certainly relieve some immediate stresses, like paying off debt or hiring domestic help etc. However the real problems in our lives are caused by the way we think, not the lack of money. Often we have no money because we’re too fearful or depressed to attract any. When you have a real and meaningful personal vision for your life, and you pursue the vision rather than the money to make it happen, the money starts finding its way to you. People with a dream attract likeminded people and resources to make the dream happen. Money becomes a side issue, secondary to the main event. If you’re working “for money” and waiting for you “ship to come in” you’ll probably be waiting a long, long time. My advice: Focus on your dream, not all the things you “don’t have”. The more you fear money (or the lack of it), the less you’ll have. You need energy and positivity to be productive and achieve worthwhile goals – fear will steal all that away from you. Project your vision and attract the resources to you.

2. Retirement helps you die quicker

People have this surreal image in their heads of what retirement is. They see themselves sitting on the beach from age 55 through to uh… 120, sunbathing and doing crossword puzzles or other such arbitrary and apparently pleasant things. They have a sense that this will be complete bliss and that they’ll never have to “work” again. This is such fantastical nonsense. Firstly, we all have an innate desire – need – to work and be productive. Yes, you may hate your current job, but that’s because you’re on the timeline, your attitude is wrong and you’re doing something someone else told you to do instead of what you were born to do. If you’re living your dream you’ll be “working” and therefore earning until you die or your body shuts down, which should be long after fifty five. Secondly, if you’ve ever tried to do “nothing” for a few months you’ll realize how brain deadening and dull it is. Sure, the first few weeks can be great stress relief and recovery time, but soon you start to feel like you’re wasting your time and your internal urge to “make a difference” kicks in. People who retire to nothing start to deteriorate and eventually give up on life altogether. What’s the point of working and saving for retirement for the sole purpose of breathing and existing till you die? My advice: discover your dream and start working at it. In time your passion and ability will make way for you and you can live the rest of your life doing what you enjoy without the need for retirement.

3. Life without risk is no life at all

A careful look at the timeline and the clichés and rhetoric that support it reveals a few interesting themes. The two that stand out most obviously for me are “make more money” and “be safe!” Everything we learn from childhood reinforces the notion that we must reject risk at all costs and set up our lives for maximum security and minimal personal discomfort. Think about it, we live in prisons behind high walls and burglar bars. We insure everything we own just in case we lose it – heaven forbid. We medicate ourselves and our children into a coma. We get any job we can find to secure that all-important monthly pay cheque (for what its worth). In the process we have lost our sense of adventure, our creativity, our imagination, our pioneering spirit, our individuality, our sense of excitement and freedom, and most of all – our joy. People live lives of quiet desperation behind their physical and emotional fortifications, secretly hoping that something great will happen but always disappointed. They say the definition of stupidity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result. If you want something great to happen, you’re going to have to step out and take a few risks. My advice: create your “bucket list”. Write down three or five or ten things you want to do before you die… then do them! You’re probably going to have to face all sorts of fears and obstacles, but that’s exactly what makes life worth living. Take a risk, swim out to sea, go get your ship and bring it in. Yes, there’s a chance you’ll drown in the waves, but it’s no more risk than dying in the desert you’re waiting in.

PS: I’d love to see your bucket lists. Please post them as comments on this article J