I was unmarried for the whole of 2010, having finalised my divorce in December 2009. This fact made it a very different and interesting year for me. It has certainly been the least confrontational and most peaceful year I’ve had in over thirteen. It has been a year of consolidation and even recovery in a way. For an entire year I’ve come home to smiles and calm, and looked forward to the sanctity of my castle on the hill… which it almost is, having the best view of Johannesburg possible! I have spent many nights this year looking over the world below and contemplating the mysteries of life with a good scotch and a cigar or pipe, feeling a little like Gandalf or Bilbo Baggins.

The reason for the peace at home is a most wonderful specimen of woman called Heather, who has lived with me in my castle all year. I have never met a more understanding, unflusterable, kind-hearted human in all my life. We talk together, walk together, cook together, read together, dance together, camp together and share pretty much everything without stress or defence or score keeping or the need to control. This alone could make life almost perfect, but there’s more. We’ve actively reawakened our youth together. We’ve visited interesting venues, clubs and restaurants. We’ve read important books. We’ve mixed fantastic cocktails and shooters. We’ve investigated and invested in our sexuality. We’ve made home together. We’ve explored rustic camp sites. We’ve created new gourmet recipes. We’ve nurtured our kids together. We’ve walked away from religion and established a wonderful group of friends together.

This year was also the launch of my blog (the one you’re reading); Rumble in the Pub (a philosophical discussion group that meets in a pub); and Primordial Soup (a podcast of interest to Atheists and Secular Freethinkers). Many of these activities have overflowed onto Facebook or vice versa resulting in a year of passionate debates and discussions on very stimulating topics and holy cows. I’ve been branded a Satanist and a cult leader on several occasions, despite the fact that I’m sure Satan does not exist and I have no ‘followers’ and preach no mysterious ‘doctrine’. I have offended hundreds of people by asking uncomfortable questions about religion and highlighting the scientific improbability of Gods and Pink Unicorns. I have read Dawkins, Harris, Sagan and Hitchens this year and dived wholeheartedly into scientific enquiry and philosophical thought experiment.

This has also been a year for physical recovery. I started the year hardly able to walk. My sciatic nerve was pinched, and combined with poor fitness and the shortest hamstrings in the galaxy, I could only tolerate standing for five minutes at a time. In desperation I visited a Biokineticist for three months, once a week, who stretched my legs and back until at times I felt I would snap in half, until finally I had mobility again. I also started wall climbing which instantly became my favourite sport ever. The combination of stretching and building physical strength has restored me to be able to run and hike and stand and walk for hours and hours again. If there was a God I’d probably thank him… but as it is I’m just extremely pleased J.

On the down side (there’s always a down side), my ex wife moved to Natal with my children. Finances and distance has resulted in me not seeing them nearly as much as I want to. The times I’ve had with them have been special and precious, but I’ve missed out on a bunch of the good stuff, the daily gems of life. There are times when this overwhelms me with sadness and I have to stop myself crying out loud in random public places. I also know that they have a good life, both in Natal with their mom and here with me, and they’re growing into fantastic, and I deeply hope, rational human beings. I’m hoping to remedy the time issue this year, but it will be a challenge.

This has been an enormously busy year with many personal and public events taking place. I helped organise a 20 year matric reunion which was a roaring success in November. South Africa hosted the Fifa world cup football event in July (I attended the France/Mexico game in Polokwane with my boys). I hosted a rocking fancy dress birthday party in November. Heather and I moved into our home on the hill in May. We both started new Jobs early in the year. We went camping in February in Amanzimtoti, and October in Nottingham Road. We hosted a Rumble in the Midlands in December at the same Nottingham Road camp site. And the list goes on and on.

All in all I’d have to call 2010 a watershed year. A year of rebirth and success. A year of writing and reading. A year of friendships and discovery. A year of sex and wonder. A year of food and drink. A year of health and prosperity. If 2011 is even half as good as 2010 I say, “Bring it on!!”

1. McMuffin McMeal breakfasts

“But they make you fat” – what…ever!! Heaven on a English muffin, and McD’s make a great cappuccino.

2. Camping with my kids

There’s nothing better in this world for me. Collecting wood with the boys for evening campfires; hiking through the bush; lunches at waterfalls; braai’d marshmallows; catching frogs and worms for fishing; whittling walking sticks; and fire-baked bread.

3. Tabletop war games

I’ve been playing complex tabletop war games for about 8 years now, mostly Warhammer, a hobby that involves assembling and painting miniature soldiers, and then warring against an opponent on miniature lifelike terrain using tape measures, handfuls of dice and hundreds of pages of intricate rules. It appeals to my whole personality and is an outlet for so many of my interests and passions: creativity; warfare; history; statistics; strategy; mathematics; fantasy; competition; and not least of all, beers and laughter with friends.

4. Music

I couldn’t live without music. I’m always singing a song in my head and tapping out rhythms on every surface I pass. Whenever I walk into a shop or a mall I’m always instantly aware of what’s playing behind the noise of the crowd. I might be walking with a friend and tell them, “I haven’t heard this song for years” and their response is, “what song?” because they haven’t even noticed the music yet in the noise of the crowd. I had a band in Durban some years back and if I had the space now I’d start another. I often get lost in a song while driving and end up travelling 10km past my destination. I’m currently listening to Muse, Killers, Evanescence, Live and Pink Floyd. Music heals me and gives me a place to express all the emotion that is so ‘unacceptable’ in polite society.

5. Cigars, whisky and leather couches

If I’m thinking of a night out, I look for a Karaoke bar (see previous point) or a cigar lounge. I can spend many hours with a long cigar and a good scotch on a luxurious leather couch with a close friend and a philosophical point to ponder. Unfortunately I don’t seem to have too many friends who share this notion or even know what it looks like, but that just gives me another bucket list goal – to start a cigar club; I’ll call it Plato’s pit.

6. Training

Not many people can put their jobs on a list of favourite things to do, but I get to earn a living doing the thing I love most – teaching; motivating; inspiring; encouraging; and challenging people. Through all the changes and career shifts of my life, this one thing has been constant. As a missionary, I trained. As a pastor, I trained. As an IT manager, I trained. As a school teacher, I trained. I finally worked what I was and started calling myself a trainer.

7. Sex

One of the most negative effects of religion in society is that it demonizes sex. Possibly the most glorious expression of beauty and love and pleasure known to man has been reduced to some sort of secret activity that shouldn’t be discussed or thought about outside of the narrow requirements of a particular religion, sect or societal norm. People who think about sex “too much” are labeled “perverts” and have a “problem” – gimme a break! The vast majority of men are thinking about sex all the time, because it’s great! Anyway, enough ranting from me; I’ll write another article on the subject, but needless to say, sex is one of those things that make my life great!

8. Technology

If it’s got buttons, microchips, software, lights or makes noise – I love it! I live in a great era where technology doubles in the world every couple of years – wow – and because of my intuitive relationship with all things IT, I get to have tons of fun and learn new things every day.

9. Cooking (and eating)

I’m always surprised by people (especially moms) who throw baked beans on toast for supper because they feel “uninspired” about cooking a meal. For these folk cooking has become a necessary chore and food is nothing more than fuel to keep the family running. I have never felt that way about cooking – even when I’m doing it every day. Cooking is an opportunity to stretch the right brain daily and at the end of it you get to eat cool stuff too, what could be better? It’s like finger painting with ingredients! I get hungry just thinking about it: coconut curries; tomato pastas; vegetable bakes; stuffed Hungarian cabbage rolls; sticky sweet chicken breasts; creamy Greek salads… sigh.

There you go. Let me know what gives your lives meaning.

Deon Barnard

After several attempts at creating interesting (if not overcomplicated) web sites to promote my work, passions, ideas and services, I have finally embarked on this blog-style project, simply called deonbarnard.net. As with all things in life I consider my previous online failures “school fees”, and I have great hope and anticipation that this blog will be a great success.

So what’s it all about? Well, it’s about life! It’s about passion. It’s about thinking in a very unfashionable way… positively!!

Before I tell you what I’ve done and been I think I’d better explain my current world view in a nutshell. In that way if you see a job or role I’ve performed you will not immediately jump to conclusions about who I am now. Having said that I believe that you are who you are because of the people you’ve met and the books you’ve read.

So, at this stage in my life I would have to say that my philosophical and spiritual outlook on life is somewhere between Unitarian Universalist and Secular Humanist. In many ways these two ideas are opposed, however, the bottom line is that regardless of my particular point of view at any given point in my life, I don’t think anyone has the actual answers to the really huge questions of life and mankind like… “How did it all start?” and, “What is the purpose of man?” and, “Who is God” etc. Some of us piously claim to know everything… sigh, others genuinely search, but most are happy to accept the going trend of their culture (and religion) and are content to live within those confines, whether they are ultimately true or not. This blog will tackle many of the difficult questions of life in a logical and reasonable manner.

So with that out of the way I’d like to outline my life’s itinerary since school. This will give you an idea of what I have learned and what it is that I do. I will do this with bullets for easy reading:

• Born in Newcastle (Kwa-Zulu Natal, South Africa) – yes, that makes me an African.
• My father died in 1977. I was five. My sister was three.
• I went to four primary schools in Durban.
• My mother remarried in 1985. I was in grade 7 (Standard 5 for old South Africans).
• I went to Pinetown boys high for a term then moved to Benoni (Gauteng, South Africa).
• I did high school at Wordsworth High in Benoni where I became Head Boy in 1990.
• I achieved drama colours in 1989 and public speaking colours in 1990.
• I broke school and regional athletic records for high jump, 100m hurdles and 3000m walking races.
• I did Judo, wrestling and tumbling for sport (didn’t think much of balls and bats back then).
• I joined a Christian theatre organisation called the Covenant Players from 1991 to 1994. I did theological studies and traveled to 20 countries during that time doing drama for churches, schools, universities and rural communities. I learned an incredible number of skills during that time.
• I returned to South Africa, joined a church staff and did pastoral work, counselling, preaching and teaching from 1994 to 1999. During this time I also taught English and drama at schools.
• I got married in 1996 and have three amazing children: Robyn, Daniel and Stephen.
• I changed careers in 1999 and started to develop my personal training programmes, starting with getting certified as a MOUS AI (Microsoft Office User Specialist Authorised Instructor).
• I then worked as the I.T. Manager of a curriculum provider called School of Tomorrow from 2000 to 2003. During this time I did a lot of motivational speaking at the schools for whom we were providing the curriculum.
• In 2004 I took the bold step to go out on my own and start a training company which I called “ProclaimIT”. Soon afterwards I took over an existing training company called “All Change People Development” and for the next three years I developed and facilitated many soft skill and personal development courses for corporate companies as well as facilitating team building and motivational events.
• I joined a consulting group called Learning Strategies in 2007. This is a symbiotic relationship of consultants of varied skills and expertise who cross sell each other’s services to deliver on large and interesting contracts. I am the training and development arm of Learning Strategies.
• I am no longer married but still enjoy a loving and close connection with my children.

To say that my life has been varied and interesting is a gross understatement. It would be difficult to start listing the things I’ve learned or the people I’ve met in all my adventures – there are just too many – however that is exactly what I am going to attempt to do on this blog. The vast majority of people mulling about on this planet live lives of quiet desperation or intense frustration. Major issues facing us as individuals and communities are: fear, finances, stress, confusion, depression and hopelessness. People want to feel they have purpose but don’t know where to start.

I have trained and counselled thousands of people struggling with these very issues. I will be using this web page to provide insights and advice on how to deal with these issues and other difficult questions. I am hoping to publish two or three articles per week. Let’s see how it goes. Join me on this journey of self discovery and let’s start changing the world one idea at a time!