1.    People who simply don’t pitch when they’ve made a commitment to attend something. They don’t call, they don’t apologize and they don’t care who they let down.

2.    People who are determined to be fashionably late for everything. If a show starts at 6PM they start getting ready to leave at 6PM. The first half an hour of any event is clearly an unimportant formality that does not require the dignity of their presence.

3.    Parents who call their children ‘Christian’ or ‘Muslim’ or ‘Hindu’. As though any child of age 5 or 7 or even 11 could conceivably contemplate all their options and make a rational, informed decision about their religious views while being brought up to fear and distrust any point of view other than that of their parents. This type of religious brainwashing and morbid indoctrination by parents should be outlawed in society as a crime against freedom of thought and human rights.

4.     Back pain! It really sucks.

5.    Dentists. Who are these creatures in white robes that insist on drilling against nerves that lead straight behind your eyes into your brain with such explosions of acute pain that your nightmares pale in comparison. On top of that they insist that you lie on the most uncomfortably designed horizontal chair known to man, for an hour, with intense light shining in your eyes, after which you need a chiropractor to sort out your spine. Your jaw and lips are tugged at and extended to the extent that you have bruises and a strange clicking in your jaw the first time you try and eat anything. It brings back a line from the musical score of little shop of horrors: ‘You’ll be a dentist. You have a talent for causing things pain! Son, be a dentist. People will pay you to be inhumane!’

6.    Poor customer service. I think particularly of those receptionists who can’t even be bothered to hold eye contact as they bark out one word answers to your questions and make it very clear that you’re wasting their valuable Tetris time.

7.    Tasteless cooking. Turning dull, tasteless food into something worth eating often takes nothing more than a suggestion of an imagination, a sprinkle of herbs, or a dash of soy sauce. I cannot understand why people settle for the mundane in this area of our lives that consumes so much of our time and which has the power to add such joy and adventure to each day.

8.    Teasing repartee and hurtful banter. I often sit in amazement as I watch one or two of my friends or guests pick up on a few vulnerabilities in someone in the group and then spend the rest of the evening honing in on those weaknesses with great jest and laughter and seemingly not able to stop themselves until the victim is utterly exhausted or brought to tears. The fact that these wolves see this as some kind of social victory is even more bewildering. Of course, these same people have no ability to withstand even a portion of what they dish out and ultimately show themselves to be the cowardly schoolyard bullies that they are.

9.    Grand prix. Sorry I just don’t get it. Hour after hour of cars going round in circles. I have similar feelings about cricket and golf which are, in my view, just male excuses for spending less time with the family.

I’d love to hear some of your ‘There’s nothing worse than’ ideas.

It can take days, weeks or months to reverse the effects of a negative or traumatic moment of truth in a customer’s mind. Things that can have an impact on the moment of truth are:

• The upkeep of your premises
• The air conditioning
• The music / noise
• A receptionists bearing and attitude
• A salesperson’s genuineness and helpfulness
• The personal interaction between staff
• The first words spoken to the customer
• Eye contact
• A smile

The truth is that the average customer assesses all these things in an instant and unconsciously determines whether the company is worth their business or not. All too often a company has a worthy product or service but small and important ‘moment of truth’ factors are overlooked and customers are lost to the competition.

A great little acronym that should be pasted onto everyone’s desk pad, keyboard, notice board and coffee mug is E.P.R.

EPR is the CPR of customer service. Using this technique will resuscitate good customer relations and go a long way to ensuring positive moments of truth for the customer. EPR stands for Empathy, Procedure and Resolution. Let’s take a look at these concepts.

1. Empathy

Empathy is not sympathy. In the world of business it would not be very helpful to literally cry in sympathy of the customer’s dilemma. What customers want is someone who will listen, understand and take action on their behalf. Customers want to know that the person they’re dealing with is being sincere and honest with them. A customer wants to know that they have been heard and that their situation is thoroughly understood. Empathy is about being on their ‘side’ and looking out for their interests. I have seldom seen empathetic customer service in this country, most customer facing staff I have met are too busy protecting and defending themselves to be on the customer’s side or see anything from the customer’s perspective. “The system is slow today – it’s not my fault”. “It’s not my department – ask someone else.” “It’s not MY fault you didn’t check your documentation!” “Well you don’t have to get upset about it”. We cannot have empathy while we’re being defensive. Customer service is about the customer not you. Good ways to start empathetic communication are, “I understand” or “I see what you mean” or “I see you point”.

2. Procedure

Learn your ‘procedure manual’ in detail then pack it away and use your brain! It is critical that customer facing staff know exactly what the correct procedure is for all anticipated circumstances, and it is equally critical that when unforeseen circumstances arise, that they have enough general knowledge, skill and common sense to deal with anything. I have called call centers of large service providers and had an agent rattle off something like “Good day, my name is Joe Soap, how may I be of excellent service to you?” Then when I explain my situation I get silence… then, “please hold” and transferred to the agent sitting next to them. Yeah, truly excellent service there Joe! The problem is that Joe neither understands the services his company offers nor how to deal with tricky issues not covered by the rule book.

A classic example is cream soda floats. Huh? Yes, cream soda floats! Next time you go to a restaurant try and order a cream soda float. Last time I went somewhere and ordered this heavenly beverage I got a blank stare and the following conversation ensued:

“Uh… a cream soda?”

“No, a cream soda float.”

“Float?”

“Yes.”

“Uh… I don’t think we have cream soda floats…”

“(sigh) Do you have cream soda?”

“Yes.”

“Do you have ice cream?”

“Yes.”

“So can I have a cream soda please!? Large.”

“Uh… can I just check something”…

At which point she hurries off to the kitchen to check with her manager if she can take a cream soda float order. She probably gets a slap across the head from her slightly less retarded manager and scurries back to say that they do in fact have cream sodas. What was the problem? You guessed it – it wasn’t on the menu (AKA procedure manual). The issue was the waitress didn’t know what to charge for it, and she would rather bring me something I didn’t want than apply her mind to adding the cost of the cream soda to the cost of a scoop of ice cream. This is the kind of customer service I get on a daily basis. I want to scream and jump up and down and put them all in a training room to sort their brains out!

3. Resolution

The ultimate goal of customer service is to resolve the customer. Not necessarily the problem, but the customer himself (or herself). Sometimes you can resolve the customer by resolving their particular request or problem and sometimes you have to adjust the need, expectation or problem because the customer actually needs something else – they just don’t know it yet. Often a customer knows that they’re frustrated or exasperated but are not sure what particular service or product will meet the need. It is the job of the customer service agent to deal with the emotional need first and then help the customer identify the solution. Sometimes the solution is not something your company can provide, in which case pointing the customer in the right direction is resolving them. Every customer should be a fresh case of, “how can I resolve you?”

Want to improve your customer service? Check out the training link.