Deon Barnard

I’ve been reluctant to write this article primarily because I’m not enthusiastic about wading through a mountain of Christian “we’re praying for you” responses. The reason I write this article about my journey from Christian leadership to atheism is that I’ve had numerous people, mainly Christians, asking me on Facebook, “what happened to you?” or “how did you become so anti?” or something similar – and even though I generally point those people in the direction of my blogs, the truth is you need to read several articles to put the whole picture together; so I’ve decided to put the answer in a single blog so that I can point newcomers here when the question is asked again.

I’ll start by dismissing the first assumption that comes my way, which is that I was ‘hurt’ by someone or some church and therefore rejected God in some kind of emotional tantrum. This did not happen. Sure, there were people within the ministries I was involved in that I didn’t see eye to eye with, but on the whole I enjoyed my time in Christian ministry and enjoyed the people and communities I was involved in. I generally had good relationships with my leaders and was happy to carry out my responsibilities with enthusiasm. If I had disagreements, we talked them out. People did not chase me away from God. If I believed God actually existed I would not be as stupid as to think people were any reflection of his character. So to all you well meaning Christians who are convinced I must have had some sort of “fall out” – sorry to disappoint you.

Some people say I was ‘on fire’ for Jesus! One of the most enthusiastic Christians they ever met. That’s probably true, but not because of the ‘power of God’ or anything supernatural – simply because I’m one of the most enthusiastic ‘anythings’ you’ll ever meet – it’s called personality, and mine is extrovert, charismatic, and crowd oriented. I’d be just as enthusiastic a Muslim if I was one, but I’m not. The level of someone’s enthusiasm or charisma has nothing to do with the truth content of their beliefs. It is precisely because there are a bunch of good communicators in the church that masses of people are led to believe absolute myth. I often feel a great amount of regret for my part in so many people being so ‘sure’ of something so wrong. I also regret the amount of time I wasted on those activities for so many years – but that’s another paragraph.

Like pretty much everyone else in South Africa I was raised Christian. Christened in the Anglican church, confirmed in the Methodist church, baptized in a Pentecostal church and later worked in various denominations around the world as a missionary and pastor/speaker. Like most Christians I never doubted the truth of anything I came to believe – the Bible, the sermons, the teachings etc all became part of the foundation of who I was. Muslims were bad, Hindu’s were mysterious, Atheists were demon possessed and Jews were confused cousins. By age 20 I was set firmly on the path of expanding ‘God’s Kingdom’ to all the poor unbelievers of the ’10/40 window’ and beyond (you’ll have to Google that one). Between mission trips and preaching in the middle of Africa I was doing theological studies and reading the bible, over and over again. Later I moved into local church ministry where I led youth groups, music worship teams, taught Bible studies and preached sermons. I was a Christian fanatic that wanted to save the world for Jesus.

By the age of about 25 something new was happening in me. My youthful, unquestioning, overzealous self started to be replaced by a thinking, tolerant, more observant me. I started developing a distaste for cliché, which Christians are so prone to use when they have nothing intelligent to say. I started realizing that the average Christian really had no idea why what they believed was true, except that it was, and that was that. This was not good enough for me. I thought that maybe a revolution was required in the church to make it more practical and relevant to an emerging post modern society. I started having church services where I would put all the chairs outside or bring in a rock band to liven the place up. I had people communicating with each other in church services and sharing real problems. The congregation in Bakerton grew from 20 people to 120 in a month, but no amount of transforming the physical activities from wooden pews to electric guitars, or bible studies to prophetic healing sessions could help me shake a growing niggle in my conscience that there were some fundamental problems with everything we stood for – primarily the exclusiveness of our beliefs and the idea that God would create billions of souls only to leave the vast majority to the whim of the devil while the Christians enjoyed all sorts of ‘advantages’ in this life and the life to come primarily because they were privileged enough to be born in a Christian country. My faith was fighting with my intellect and losing. I was becoming less and less satisfied to sit around giving the same message every week to Christians and never forming loving bonds with anybody else in the world. For some time I stopped preaching and active ministry involvement, although I remained an elder in the church. During this time I sat quietly and observed. I listened to the stuff we were proclaiming and watched the lives of people. I considered the truth of what we said, and did so rationally and calmly – and as I did, the illusion started to crumble all around me. I prayed frequently during this time for wisdom and clarity.

By 2005 I had stopped ‘paid’ ministry totally and had started what felt to me to be something more genuine and honest – I started corporate training. In that year I moved up to Johannesburg to improve my marketing opportunities and during that time I visited a few churches looking for my new ‘home’ (another cliché). Wherever I went I threw my weight into supporting however I could, but as much as I loved the people I had serious issues with the facts underlying the faith. I couldn’t help but feel that it was all just an incredible waste of time and resources. I was also doing a lot of training for a very broad range of people – Christians, Muslims, Hindu’s, Jews, Agnostics and Atheists and I realized just how little I really understood any of these people. I understood what they ‘believed’ sometimes better than they did, but I had never tried to befriend non-Christians without the hidden agenda of ‘getting them saved’. I realized how frighteningly arrogant Christians can be – at least those that actually do what their scriptures suggest they should do. I also started studying Philosophy and Anthropology, and in a very short time was inspired by the beauty of logical thinking and the integrity of scientific observation, hypothesis and testing, both of which were conspicuously absent in all religions, including my own. By 2007 I had decided that even if Jehovah existed, there was no clear mandate for Sunday services and all the trappings of church life, and decided to stop looking for a local church to be part of. Shortly after that I entered an agnostic phase, because intellectually, logically, and scientifically, I simply couldn’t see how any of the facts presented by Christianity could be true – but at the same time I was reluctant to give up the faith that had consumed a large part of my life and had come to define me.

In 2009 I woke up one morning and realized that I couldn’t stay satisfied with a state of agnosticism in light of the evidence against the world’s religions. The probability that a ‘God’ exists is small, but that any of the specific ‘Gods’ of our known religions (Jesus/Allah/Ja etc) could exist as laid out in the traditions is almost nonexistent. I realized in a moment of terror and relief that I no longer believed in any God at all and that non-belief would forever change the way that I related to the thousands of people who knew the ‘radical Christian’ version of me. All my reasoning and arguments are laid out in my other articles on Religion, so I won’t cover them here.

My period of ‘Agnosticism’ was the hardest time of my life. Everything I was, everything I’d done, had been defined in Christian terms, and suddenly it just wasn’t so clear anymore. I wept many tears during that time and felt a great sense of loss. I knew I would lose friends, many friends, as well as social recognition. The other problem was that ‘Church’ was what I did best and now I would have to reinvent myself, or more accurately, rediscover myself; but at the same time there was a part of me that was evolving and growing up and becoming free – for this I was excited. As the scales of superstition and dogma began to fall away, I kept going over my entire life again and again with new understanding of what was really happening in those times when I thought I was having ‘spiritual experiences’ or seeing ‘miracles’ etc. I have also come to realize what an incredible sense of guilt and worthlessness Christians walk around with and cover these feelings up with clichés about being weak in self but strong in Christ; and how much time and resource is wasted on meaningless activities. When I was a Christian I just couldn’t see any of this because we all just hid behind a language and semantic that kept us all in check.

It is hard to describe just how free and empowered I feel since throwing off religion. There are no ghosts, no Gods, no spirits – nothing that cannot be explained. There are elements, and energy and light and other measurable forces all doing an amazing dance in a mind-shatteringly large and beautiful universe. We are a young and evolved species of mammals that individually have precious little time, only about 80 years so, to add benefit and happiness for future generations as they evolve into greater creatures. For their sakes I hope we realize the folly of war and religion and mysticism and tyranny, and turn our eyes to the stars and peace and longevity and science and reason, before we become the cause of our own extinction.

When you write an article entitled “Why Religion should be opposed”, and you know that almost your entire audience is religious, you know that you’re going to get a few responses. I started replying to these responses individually but, realizing that many of them were similar in form, I thought it best to write a reply article dealing with each ‘type’ of response with a paragraph so that we can formalize the conversation and avoid repetition.

Yesterday I had more visitors on my site than I’ve ever had before, and almost all to the article in question. I find it amazing that you can write challenging articles about sex, love, relationships, parenting etc and no one takes personal offence, but mess with someone’s religion and all ‘hell’ breaks loose, which is exactly the nature of religion, and why I oppose it. Thank you to everyone who has read my article – you were not so closed minded that you applied the “Thou shalt not read articles written by vile heathen” philosophy. Thank you to all those who shared an opinion and responded in some way – please share your thoughts on my other articles too.

I am now going to speak to each ‘type’ of response I received. I have no doubt that I will offend people all over again with this, but fortunately I’m not one of those Methodist-don’t-rock-the-boat-keep-your-opinions-to-yourself kinds of people who care about the word ‘offend’. “You offended me!” is not an argument in itself. If you wrote to me then you will find your reply in these words somewhere.

To the people who responded without taking the trouble to actually read the article

I was tempted to just copy and paste your thoughtless text with references following every unintelligent sentence saying “see paragraph 2″ or “did you skip paragraph 4?!” but I won’t. Feel free to read the article again, actually understanding the words I carefully strung together and then feel free to write an intelligent response.

To the bible bashers

These are the people who insist on using circular logic or Circulus in Probando, arguing that the Bible says that God exists, and the Bible is always right (because it was inspired by God), so God must exist. The problem with this is that the premises are circular in nature because each premise assumes the validity of the other. I have read the bible many times end to end, not to mention an equivalent number of times via piecemeal reading of scripture as required for sermons, devotions etc. There was a time I simply ‘believed’ that it was all true because (and please don’t skip over this): I was born and brought up in a Christian society; I was scared of hell and offending God; I was convinced by everyone around me that belief was better than intellect; I had a notion (because of conditioning) that to question the Bible’s absolute truth and perfection was ‘blasphemous’ and ‘rebellious’ (manipulative words used by religion to control). Bible bashers interpret scripture as it suits them for any particular cause or going church trend. 1000 years ago the scripture about women needing to cover their heads was taken very literally, but today most Christians choose to apply some rational thought to the subject, yet these same Christians will use other scriptures very literally when it suits them to do so. This also changes from congregation to congregation and denomination to denomination – so who makes the rules? Who’s interpretational methods are correct? It stands to reason that if one of them were ‘correct’ in the eyes of God then all the others would be wrong – if not, then God and all his followers are confused and God is not perfect. Telling me that something is true because the Bible says so is a fallacial argument. Feel free however to quote a particular argument, found in the Bible, that appeals to some sense of reason or logic and I’ll consider it with as much respect as anything Einstein or Hitchens has to say. So far I have had nothing like this. C’mon Christians!! You can do better than that. I myself could put forward some valid biblical arguments – I offer an open invitation to reasonable debate.

To those who have ‘personal experiences’ with God    

These are the people who claimed they had ‘heard’ from God personally or had an ‘experience’ somehow involving God. This is probably the most difficult response to respond to. I remember (with a cold chill) the days of being an assistant pastor in a charismatic church in Benoni, times when we (the elders) would get together to discuss something, and in the middle of heated debate the senior pastor would say something like, “God told me we have to do it so let’s get started.” Well, who could argue with that? If God said it, who are we to question it? The result being that anything this particular man wanted, happened. You can’t argue with someone who has God in their corner. I could just as easily say, “I saw a unicorn at the bottom of my garden this morning – prove me wrong!” You know I am wrong because you know there are no unicorns, because if there were unicorns we’d have photos of them, and their discovery would be published in every newspaper in the world with probably a specimen in The Hague for testing and so forth. In this you use reason, so you would roll your eyes and say, “I’m sure you thought you saw a unicorn…” and pat me on the back condescendingly. So my response to you is, “I’m sure you thought you heard God – pity you don’t have any evidence (pat pat). If I were to believe all the ‘personal testimonies’ of people who claim God did something ‘good’ for them I’d also have to believe the suicide bombers of 9/11′s claims that God instructed them in their mission, or all the people who claim to have been abducted by aliens somewhere in the Midwest of the USA. You yourselves use rational thinking in all areas except this! I have, many times, wished that I could walk through my closet and end up in Narnia, but no amount of staring at the closet is going to help me understand the truth of my world. There are coats in the closet. Santa does not exist. God does not exist.

To the condescending self righteous

Ah, my favourite group! I wish there were fish like you in the water the last five times I went unsuccessfully fishing in dams and rivers around South Africa. The damn fish just stare at my bait and never bite. You however, are the most predictable and toothache inducing group of the lot. The people I refer to here are those who don’t bother showing my articles an ounce of respect by responding to the propositions put forward, but instead choose to take the: “you’re sick and in need of help from someone like me” approach. I refer to statements like, “Are you free my friend?” or “…but are you happy?” or “you are clearly speaking out of a place of hurt…” Spare me your noxious, patronizing, dripping, putrid self righteousness and amateur psycho-analysis! I pity you for needing to feel accepted or acceptable in society above truth; and thinking that anyone who doesn’t share your view must be somehow broken, un-whole or lost. Read my article on being a Salmon vs. a Sheep. Let me say this once, and never again: I am free! I am happy! I am fulfilled! I am not lonely! I am all these things more than I have ever been and that is precisely why I share my life with the world online. I’d gladly accept loneliness and suffering over oppression and mysticism any day, and if I was unhappy or lonely it would have nothing to do with you anyway – but that is not my fate – so respond to apples with apples and stop throwing lemons at me.

To the fence sitters

In some ways, this group irks me the most. These are the people who respond with paragraphs about how they believe in everything and nothing at all. My article is as much an argument against faith as it is against religion. People who say, “I agree with you that religion is wrong, but I still believe that a god or gods or some spiritual entity exists…” are religious, plain and simple. To sit on the fence is to avoid confrontation with society without having to conform particularly. It is at best a spineless agnosticism and at worst, closet atheism. Get out of the closet! You either believe, which requires the suppression of your reasoning; or you reason, and therefore have no need of faith. I don’t have to sit and philosophically ponder the weight, colour, acidity or molecular structure of an apple because the knowledge is already revealed through scientific means. All I need do is pick up a few books on the matter and the evidence presented simply removes any need for faith, or confusion about the apple. Sure, there are things we’re only beginning to understand in the realms of sub-atomic and quantum physics, but the key word is ‘understand’ – we’re not seeking to ‘believe’, we’re seeking to understand! We KNOW how the Earth was formed – we don’t need to BELIEVE some ancient myth about 7 days, or turtles holding up a flat earth etc. I have to confess that in my journey (like a pendulum swing) from belief to reasoning, I took a short stop at universalism and agnosticism, but only a short one – my mind could never be satisfied with believing in belief, or believing that anything was ‘unknowable’. Join me on the other side – it’s incredibly liberating!

To those who engaged in enlightened conversation!

You were a breath of fresh air!! These were the Christians, Muslims and Atheists who responded to my propositions with reasonable counter arguments – who did not ‘hide’ behind “God exists and that’s all there is to it” – but instead, spent a little time thinking about their position and responding with facts and sound reasoning, with respect for the subject. Although our views may be a universe apart, I welcome your comments and hope to engage with many more of you out there in the virtual universe.

This article has been a long time in coming and is the result of many hours of internal struggle, research, comparison and discussion. Four years ago I physically left the church – about four years before that I was already putting aside faith for reason. During these last four years I have tried not to categorize my religious views with any labels, partly because I needed to assimilate the full depth of understanding what terms like ‘Atheist’ actually meant and partly because I still carried an aversion, implanted by the system, to many of these labels – after all, I had always thought that being an Atheist was synonymous with being allied with Satan (as do most religious folk) – and when you’ve been led to believe your whole life that something is “bad” it’s pretty hard to throw off that conviction. Until now I’ve stuck with the safe categorization of “Agnostic” (someone who doesn’t believe there is enough evidence to prove the existence of God), and I took the safe and simple approach of, “you worry about your life and I’ll worry about mine”, i.e.: Let’s agree to disagree – or – You go ahead and do your religious thing and leave me in peace. I no longer hold this view. I will now actively oppose religion and am relieved to be able to call myself an Atheist, or Anti-Theist. I will discuss why this approach is necessary after I give a better understanding of a few terms and concepts that will help readers digest what I am saying.

Let’s start with defining the terms Theist, Atheist, Agnostic and Faith.

• A Theist is someone who believes in a god or gods, i.e. God exists in reality.
• An Atheist is someone who does not believe that a god or gods exists, i.e. God is not real and does not exist.
• An Agnostic is someone who thinks that God cannot be proven or that we cannot know God, i.e. there is no evidence for God.
• Faith is the act of believing without any requirement for evidence or proof. With evidence or proof there is no need for Faith because we have Knowledge – so Faith can be substituted for Knowledge in the absence of evidence.

It is not uncommon for people to be Agnostic-Theists, i.e. someone who doesn’t really claim to be able to prove God but believes in God anyway for reasons other than evidence and faith. It also makes sense that you could be an Agnostic-Atheist, i.e. someone who does not believe in God because of the lack of evidence. In all my travels and dealings with Christians and other religious people around the world I have noticed two main distinctions; I will call them True-Theists (Believers) and Agnostic-Theists (Religious by convenience). My opinion is that the majority (more than half) of all Christians are Agnostic-Theists rather than True-Theists. These are people who attend church and adhere to all the trappings of their religion because of the personal benefits like: a sense of belonging; acceptance; acceptability; community support, comfort, friendship, financial aid, status, opportunities etc. – all good attributes of the church, but none of which make it true, or right. These people don’t really believe that all Earthly languages originated from the tower of Babel; or that every species of animal lived in walking distance from Noah’s house; or that Daniel really stayed overnight in a pit of wild, untamed and hungry Lions and survived – in fact they don’t really think much about God at all; they simply choose to adopt the mantle of Christian because it’s working for them, and being anything else would damage their reputations, relationships and other aspects of their lives. If you’re one of these people, this article is for you! On the upside you already think rationally and suspect that everything you stand for is based on mythology and superstition – on the downside you think that all the good stuff about church adds enormous value to your life and is irreplaceable – hopefully I can convince you otherwise.

To the other group, the True-Theists, there is little I can do to change your minds, mainly because you’re not using your minds. No amount of evidence or science or history will convince you that your belief is misplaced. You believe through sheer blind faith, (faith is blind by definition), that: there is an invisible being in a place called Heaven; which we can’t see or find until we die; who has declared you sinful from birth; and will throw you into hell if you don’t acknowledge him unquestioningly; and yet who loves you “unconditionally”; and who is somehow influenced by your particular choice of words in prayer; who allows confusion and faithlessness and hunger and disaster on the Earth for reasons you don’t fully understand; and who cares who you have sex with and how; and who judges your sin even in your mind and while you sleep; and “came to earth” on an arbitrary day in history to a dry Roman province via a virgin, so that in dying, somehow getting to heaven would be easier than it was before… hmmm.

I was a believer for many years – passionate about my Faith, as I am passionate about everything I do. I remember ridiculing Jehovah’s Witnesses for being closed minded and not open to rational conversation – armed with their nonsensical “proofs” from their nonsensical “Bible”. I now understand that I was exactly the same! Think about it; if I were to ask the average believer what would convince them that God does not exist, they would say, “Nothing! I’ll never stop believing.” and yet they have the cheek to call Atheists stubborn and closed-minded, when in fact most Atheists could easily give a list of things that would make them convert on the spot if they were to occur. I’ll write another article on this point. I can only hope you come to your senses before you’ve wasted your whole life avoiding the freedom of truth and causing further carnage in the world… which brings me to the crux of this article – why religion should be opposed.

I’m speaking again to those that feel, “Why do Atheists get so hung up about people’s religious choices? Just live and let live. Some well meaning person who attends church every Sunday and gives to the poor isn’t hurting anyone, so let them follow their religion of choice!” This is a view I have shared for some time but I have come to realize that it is naïve and irresponsible to think this way. Religious belief on a micro scale (if it were confined to a handful of people on a deserted Island) may not have any great negative impact on the world other than the personal self deception involved, but we don’t all live on our own island – each individual believer supports a system of control and manipulation which, on a macro scale, becomes an extremely negative force in the World. Let’s look at a few simple examples:

A kind-hearted and conscientious Muslim man goes to Mosque and says his prayers as required. He never hurts anyone and always gives to the poor and supports his local Islamic initiatives, believing that he is pleasing God in doing so. Him and millions of others feed energy and finances into a system which advocates violence and the killing of infidels in its core scriptures; and although they are not personally involved in such matters and prefer to interpret their scriptures more figuratively; their church is involved in a holy war against Christians which results in flying jet planes into civilian buildings in New York killing thousands. Is our man innocent in this? Can he claim that he had nothing to do with it? All this for a myth of a myth that doesn’t exist.

A devout German Christian believes in a loving god in heaven and wants to please him. He has come to understand that to please god you have to please your leaders in Christ. He loves his God and his country and is willing to defend both from any unbeliever that would dare challenge the status quo. The new leader of his country, Adolf Hitler, a man of passion and faith has inspired him to join the army to do just that. He comes to realize that Germany is a holy nation surrounded by unclean nations that must be brought into the fold and tamed. He says goodbye to his wife and kids who he loves dearly to go and do his duty for God and country in the concentration camps where they are making sure that the evil influence of Jews and other unclean races is controlled and quelled. He knows that he will be rewarded for his loyalty in the afterlife if not in this life. He is a “good” man. The kind of “good” man you see in churches everywhere.

Religions on a macro scale (which are the accumulation of millions of individuals believing), have been responsible for:

• Countless wars, including the Muslim/Christian Crusades; the Catholic/Protestant wars of Ireland, the U.K., France, Sweden and Poland; the Taiping rebellion in China; Islamic violence in the name of Jihad; the Muslim/Hindu wars of India; the Buddhist/Tamil war in Sri Lanka; the countless wars between the Jews and everyone else; and the list goes on ad nauseum.
• Religious genocide in Europe (Jews), Rwanda, Bosnia, Iraq, U.S.S.R and many other places.
• The repression of women everywhere.
• Resisting (often violently) scientific progress, as well as the persecution of great thinkers for thousands of years.
• Witch hunts and inquisitions resulting in the torture and deaths of thousands of innocent people in Europe.
• The dilution of quality education in schools everywhere to make space for meaningless religious activities that promote mysticism and superstition instead of enlightenment and human solidarity.
• Human sacrifice, slavery and mutilation such as female circumcisions in initiation ceremonies.
• The distortion of historical facts and our place in the universe.

… to name a few!

So you still think religions are good for the world? Or maybe you think that your happy clappy Christian church feeds the poor and teaches people how to be good citizens, so you have nothing to do with the above list? Well here’s a news break – if all that carnage above didn’t exist, neither would your church; and if all your churches didn’t exist, neither would the carnage on the list. Christopher Hitchens is right when he says, “Religion poisons everything”. It’s time for humanity to wake up, throw off the ancient myths of our infancy and grow into the evolved, awake and conscious species that we can be. If we direct the energy and resources that we currently use to maintain our meaningless religious structures and use them for science and progress we could be travelling to the stars in our lifetime. Every good thing you’re doing in your churches in the name of “God” can be done without needing to believe in nonsense at the same time. “But what about fellowship and belonging” you ask? Well join a gym; a golf club; a neighborhood board game group… whatever – there are a million ways to make friends with people who share interests in the real world instead of a shared belief in an invisible friend in the sky.

I look forward to your comments and abuse.