Fine Weather Friends
Last year I offended someone with a humorous Atheist cartoon on my Facebook wall… well, I offended a few people, but I’m used to that. This particular situation was interesting however for the following reason. The person I refer to let me know he was offended and that I was losing friends by posting such things. Losing friends? I asked him what friends I was losing and he said possibly himself. There were many other statements made in the line of, “friends respect their friend’s beliefs…” etc. I found it fascinating that someone who I had seen once in five years, and had nothing in common with, felt so free to use the ‘friend’ card to get me to shut up and behave, as though the thought of losing his ‘friendship’ would strike the fear of God into me.
What it did do was make me think, “I must write a piece on friendship some day!” This is that piece.
I didn’t shut up. I didn’t behave. The reality is that this human wasn’t a friend’s backside and had no rights to insist anything from me as a friend. Friendship isn’t a weapon to be wielded when it suits. Friendship is a commitment, a journey, a sacrifice. Needless to say, this human quickly unfriended me on Facebook and vanished into the sunset from whence he came… not unlike so many others who vanished the moment I stopped believing in a God.
I have often pondered over the idea of friendship. How does it work? Who are your friends? What rights and responsibilities does friendship bestow? What is friendship not? Having discussed this issue at some of our Rumbles, and amongst friends (true friends), I have some suggestions about what a friend IS and ISN’T.
A friend is…
- Someone who has the wellbeing of their friends in mind.
- Someone who takes the time and effort to get in touch i.e. initiates contact.
- Someone who speaks well of his/her friends behind their backs.
- Someone who won’t let their friends destroy themselves.
- Someone you look forward to spending time with.
- Someone who honours their commitments to their friends.
- Someone who will help you move house.
- Someone who will bring you a meal in time of need.
- Someone who will come to your aid in a dangerous situation.
A friend is NOT…
- Someone who only thinks of you when you call.
- Someone who can’t remember a thing you said because they were too busy hogging the conversation.
- Someone who says, “I’ll be there”, and doesn’t arrive – without warning or apology.
- Someone who says, “I’ll be there at 8″, and arrives at 9 – without warning or apology.
- Someone who suddenly doesn’t know you anymore because they heard rumours that you believe/did something strange – without consulting you about it before jumping to conclusions.
- Someone who is happy to take continually without a thought to giving.
- Someone who loves to have you along at their life events, but never attends yours because, “it’s not their thing”.
- Someone who can change their allegiances in the blink of an eye.
- Someone who takes pleasure in pointing out your ‘faults’, but heavens forbid you point out theirs!
How do you rate as a friend? You can’t be a friend to everyone, but when you claim to be someone’s friend do you really qualify? Just a thought.
