Several friends I have a fairly high opinion of told me this was a movie worth watching and definitely among the scariest movies they had ever seen. My experience was quite the opposite. I found it dull, predictable and frustratingly obvious and inadequate in its scare strategy.

I can understand how religious, superstitious and credulous people could be taken in by this fragile deception, (I guess I’ll have to admit later that this does include 80% of everyone alive), but I can’t see how any rational, skeptical, thinking person could do anything but laugh at the silliness of the whole thing.

Let’s break the nonsense into a few bite sized chunks…

1. The “I deal in Ghosts (Dead People) not Demons (Malevolent Spirits)” expert would have had me spitting out my tea and rolling on the floor laughing. Then on top of it all he has a friend who specializes in “demonology” who is unfortunately out of town. I could write for hours on the delusion of people who call themselves experts on subjects that have no basis in fact or evidence. Woomeisters don’t impress me at all.
2. Isn’t it convenient that one of the couple always had the video camera in hand. So let me get this straight – if you heard growling in your passage and saw things moving around the house… in fact your girlfriend is being thrown about by an invisible force – the first thing you’d do is go get the camera and film the event?! This aspect of the movie irritated me the whole way through it.
3. Let’s not forget our friendly neighborhood “Demon”, (supposedly a “malevolent spirit”), whatever that is. Let’s assume for a minute that a “spirit” was real and made from stuff not even similar to electrons, protons or neutrons. Suppose such a thing is completely intangible and undetectable by any scientific means, which is what all the woooo experts will tell you (because there is simply no evidence for these things); then how is it that such a thing could interact with our molecules and throw us around; not to mention all the other questions this raises like: How did they come to be? Why would they make ‘footsteps’ (or any sound at all)? Why would they ‘look’ like us, with arms and legs – or have goat hooves? Why would they care to open doors a little or move chandeliers? Believing in demons is about as stupid as believing in flying spaghetti monsters, gods or unicorns.
4. If this demon really was as “malevolent” as it turned out to be in the last scene, then why wait till the last scene? Why not just kill the guy in broad daylight on his first date with the demon possessed girl? I almost guessed perfectly what would happen on each new night time recording. It was entirely predictable.
5. Of course the main scare technique employed in the movie is the illusion that the viewer is watching a “home video” and therefore a piece of “real life” or at the very least a Hollywood portrayal of a “real life” event. If of course you believe this, then the movie will certainly frighten you, because you think all the insane nonsense that takes place in it has happened to real people somewhere – and was even captured on video. You may even think it was some sort of documentary. If you believe this, you probably also believe that the illuminati rule the world and the attacks of 9/11 were orchestrated by the US government. Knock yourself out.

I have seen scary movies, and this was not one of them. This was practically comedy. It may have been a lot scarier if the “demon” was consistent and seriously malevolent from the beginning. It may have been more believable if the woman didn’t go upstairs to brush her teeth shortly after being attacked by a demon in the same space. It may have been more interesting if they actually filmed the wow sex they had instead of hours of people sleeping.

Movies that scare me have to do with what humans can do when they are deluded – movies like: “Population 436″, “Saw” and “Seven” among others.

What are your scariest movies?

Enter the Dragon – Robert Clouse (1973… of course I didn’t watch it then!)

Bruce Lee kicking ass in his own special way! Every time I saw a Bruce Lee movie I became a raving kung fu master for a few hours and practiced my technique on my sister.

Pete’s Dragon – Don Chaffey (1977)

One of Disney’s first full length features with real actors interacting with animated characters. The dragon was seriously cool and cute.

Wizards – Ralph Bakshi (1977)

This movie blew my mind!! It’s a seriously weird and dark futuristic fantasy with strange animation, negative photo effects and a fascinating story. A must see!

Superman (the movie) – Richard Donner (1978)

The one that started them all! Christopher Reeves will always be the only Superman to me. I’ve wanted to be superman ever since. I used to love collecting the superman stickers off the Pepsi bottles.

The Dark Crystal – Jim Henson (1982)

One of my top 5 movies of all time. An epic fantasy adventure done entirely with puppets and robotics (not muppets). The story was fantastic and the production was ahead of its time.

Tron – Steven Lisberger (1982)

The first sci-fi I really enjoyed. People get sucked into the ‘internet’ and end up fighting sentient viruses that look like badly dressed people with killer frizbees… OK, so you need to see it to understand it. This had some ‘Matrix’ concepts long before the Matrix.

The NeverEnding Story – Wolfgang Petersen (1984)

Who didn’t love this movie?! A classic fantasy tale with one of the most memorable theme songs ever (after Rocky’s “Eye of the Tiger”).

Labyrinth – Jim Henson (1986)

OK, so Jim Henson rules!! Another masterpiece with puppets and actors in the form of David Bowie and (sigh) Jennifer Connelly in her first major role. This also has my favourite soundtrack ever – performed by David Bowie.

Willow – Ron Howard (1988)

Anyone who knows me knows how much I love this movie, starring Val Kilmer in one of his best performances ever, this movie has everything: love potions-action-adventure-wizards-swords-comedy-short people-even shorter people-trolls… you name it.

Please send your list and share your memories!

The Village (M.Night Shayamalin: starring Joaquin Phoenix, William Hurt and Sigourney Weaver)

I think anything by Shayamalin is brilliant. His stories twist and turn and leave you with a sense of, “hmm, not quite what I expected, but wow!” This is not a horror despite the picture they used to advertise with. The Village is a wonderful story about how humans come together to form safe and loving communities but then fall into the trap of control and deception. It looks at censorship, leadership, culture, society, religion and a host of other human traits like courage and love. Shayamalin casts all his movies superbly.

Michael Collins (Neil Jordan: starring Liam Neeson, Aidan Quinn and Julia Roberts)

This movie inspired me! It is an historical look (back to 1920) at the early days of the Irish Republican Army (IRA) and one of its leader’s, Michael Collins (played by Liam Neeson who instantly became one of my favorite actors). I was particularly impressed with how effectively this man organized and communicated to an underground resistance army almost entirely without the use of technology using a small group structure. As with all movies of this type (Brave heart, Rob Roy etc.), I was also moved by his personal bravery and determination.

Taare Zameen Par (Aamir Khan: starring Aamir Khan and Darsheel Safary)

I had not seen many Bollywood movies and incorrectly assumed they were all musical action-love stories with repetitive plots – boy was I wrong!! Every time I see this movie I cry my eyes out. It is a moving story (brilliantly acted) about a boy with dyslexia (and possibly HDD) who is misunderstood by everyone at school and at home and finally, on the brink of suicide, is rescued by an incredible (and also dyslexic) teacher. There are so many kids in this type of situation today – this movie should be mandatory viewing for all parents and teachers. A must see.

The Matrix (Andy & Larry Wachowski: starring Keanu Reaves and Laurence Fishburne)

Don’t watch this movie for the great acting, because there is none. I loved this movie because it was a revolution in the way movies did special effects, but most importantly it was the first movie that really tackled the question, “What if everything we know is wrong?” It also stirs up philosophical questions like, “Can we be sure that what our senses tell us is true?” and presents the concept of an ‘online’ existence separate from our physical self, which we’re now starting to see with apps like 2^nd Life.

Luther (Eric Till: starring Joseph Fiennes)

The dramatic story of the German priest, Martin Luther (date 1520), who all but single handedly stood against the Roman Catholic Church which ruled the western world through fear and manipulation. His actions resulted in the formation of the Protestant Church and eventually led to political reforms that have changed the world forever. I was deeply moved by his conviction and bravery. There are many other themes that come through in this movie like how one group can see the actions of a man as divisive rebellion and another group sees those same actions as positive reform – often only time can tell.

What movies changed your life? Leave comments!