I was unmarried for the whole of 2010, having finalised my divorce in December 2009. This fact made it a very different and interesting year for me. It has certainly been the least confrontational and most peaceful year I’ve had in over thirteen. It has been a year of consolidation and even recovery in a way. For an entire year I’ve come home to smiles and calm, and looked forward to the sanctity of my castle on the hill… which it almost is, having the best view of Johannesburg possible! I have spent many nights this year looking over the world below and contemplating the mysteries of life with a good scotch and a cigar or pipe, feeling a little like Gandalf or Bilbo Baggins.

The reason for the peace at home is a most wonderful specimen of woman called Heather, who has lived with me in my castle all year. I have never met a more understanding, unflusterable, kind-hearted human in all my life. We talk together, walk together, cook together, read together, dance together, camp together and share pretty much everything without stress or defence or score keeping or the need to control. This alone could make life almost perfect, but there’s more. We’ve actively reawakened our youth together. We’ve visited interesting venues, clubs and restaurants. We’ve read important books. We’ve mixed fantastic cocktails and shooters. We’ve investigated and invested in our sexuality. We’ve made home together. We’ve explored rustic camp sites. We’ve created new gourmet recipes. We’ve nurtured our kids together. We’ve walked away from religion and established a wonderful group of friends together.

This year was also the launch of my blog (the one you’re reading); Rumble in the Pub (a philosophical discussion group that meets in a pub); and Primordial Soup (a podcast of interest to Atheists and Secular Freethinkers). Many of these activities have overflowed onto Facebook or vice versa resulting in a year of passionate debates and discussions on very stimulating topics and holy cows. I’ve been branded a Satanist and a cult leader on several occasions, despite the fact that I’m sure Satan does not exist and I have no ‘followers’ and preach no mysterious ‘doctrine’. I have offended hundreds of people by asking uncomfortable questions about religion and highlighting the scientific improbability of Gods and Pink Unicorns. I have read Dawkins, Harris, Sagan and Hitchens this year and dived wholeheartedly into scientific enquiry and philosophical thought experiment.

This has also been a year for physical recovery. I started the year hardly able to walk. My sciatic nerve was pinched, and combined with poor fitness and the shortest hamstrings in the galaxy, I could only tolerate standing for five minutes at a time. In desperation I visited a Biokineticist for three months, once a week, who stretched my legs and back until at times I felt I would snap in half, until finally I had mobility again. I also started wall climbing which instantly became my favourite sport ever. The combination of stretching and building physical strength has restored me to be able to run and hike and stand and walk for hours and hours again. If there was a God I’d probably thank him… but as it is I’m just extremely pleased J.

On the down side (there’s always a down side), my ex wife moved to Natal with my children. Finances and distance has resulted in me not seeing them nearly as much as I want to. The times I’ve had with them have been special and precious, but I’ve missed out on a bunch of the good stuff, the daily gems of life. There are times when this overwhelms me with sadness and I have to stop myself crying out loud in random public places. I also know that they have a good life, both in Natal with their mom and here with me, and they’re growing into fantastic, and I deeply hope, rational human beings. I’m hoping to remedy the time issue this year, but it will be a challenge.

This has been an enormously busy year with many personal and public events taking place. I helped organise a 20 year matric reunion which was a roaring success in November. South Africa hosted the Fifa world cup football event in July (I attended the France/Mexico game in Polokwane with my boys). I hosted a rocking fancy dress birthday party in November. Heather and I moved into our home on the hill in May. We both started new Jobs early in the year. We went camping in February in Amanzimtoti, and October in Nottingham Road. We hosted a Rumble in the Midlands in December at the same Nottingham Road camp site. And the list goes on and on.

All in all I’d have to call 2010 a watershed year. A year of rebirth and success. A year of writing and reading. A year of friendships and discovery. A year of sex and wonder. A year of food and drink. A year of health and prosperity. If 2011 is even half as good as 2010 I say, “Bring it on!!”

The odd human stands in the queue tentatively glancing about at the growing strangeness that surrounds them. Witches, elves and armoured knights high-five each other as they locate their pals from whichever local geek club they happen to belong to. Others sit in random places in the parking lot pouring over their tournament rules and preparing themselves mentally for world domination. A strange looking chap with a bushy beard opens the door and begins to holler out the rules and requirements for entry into the hall among expletives of the generally censored type. Human mothers cover the ears of their not-so-innocent children. The queue begins to move and Icon is officially opened.

If you have no idea what I’m talking about then you’ve never visited the annual fantasy and sci-fi event that is Icon! Every year in July geeks and gamers, fanboys and fairies, wizards and warriors, all gather for a weekend of fantastical fun and gothic goings-on. On entering the main hall you pay your R20 or so and get some cheap, but cool, trinket – like this year’s Superman badge (button if you’re American). A few metres on and you can purchase a branded coffee mug which you can fill with cheap coffee, free of charge, all weekend long to keep up the energy requirements. Across the passage is the Anime theatre where sexy Japanese cartoons play all day featuring huge-eyed girls with perfect bodies and tartan mini skirts… or alternatively sword bearing ninjas and fountains of arterial blood from severed limbs; either way worth a 20 minute detour or two.

On entering the main hall your senses are attacked by the sounds and sights of crowds of fantasy enthusiasts, some in elaborate fancy dress (including the odd tartan miniskirt wearing manga girl), all goggling over the various items being sold by comic and gaming stalls all around the hall. Whether you’re looking for a rubber sword to bash your siblings with, or a unit of plastic soldiers for your collection, or the latest Batman (who is no longer Bruce Wayne because he died and was replaced by Nightwing who is really Dick Grayson who used to be Robin…) comic – you will find it at Icon.

In the side halls and gardens you walk past various gaming tournaments being held for various game systems – Warhammer, 40K, Magic the Gathering, Hordes, Settlers, Role Playing and more. You can’t help but stare at some of the spectacularly painted miniatures and marvel at how focussed everyone is on what they’re doing. Handfuls of dice are being rolled, decks of cards are being dealt and screams of disappointment compete with cries of victory all around you. Outside on the lawn the LARP (Live Action Role Playing) and SCA (Society for Creative Anachronism) folk are busy beating the flying phlegm out of each other with swords and similar weapons of reasonable destruction, and as they do, eager crowds gather to witness the spectacle and call out the odd word of encouragement or roar with laughter as the loser clutches his bloody nose.

Of course by now you’re feeling a little peckish so you head to the kitchen to see what’s on the menu and, same procedure as last year James, it is salad rolls (kind of) and pink hot dogs, a favourite of nerds everywhere… well that’s their story and they’re sticking to it. Of course the lady who sells the instant noodles near the entrance makes a killing each year.

So if you haven’t taken a trip to Icon before, do yourself a favour and get there next year July. Whether it’s to buy a gift for your nephew or a graphic novel to prepare for an upcoming DC or Marvel flick, or maybe just to remind yourself how normal you are – you’ll want to be adding this event to your bucket list!

On Pluto the average E.Q. of people is about 12 – there are small shrubs on that planet that are more socially captivating – however, the average I.Q. is about 200. Ask them what a female g-spot is and you’re likely to be drowned in a chorus of blank stares (and wondering if you’ve stumbled across the set of ‘Village of the Damned’), but ask them the statistical probability of a five rank unit of spear elves with a standard of balance breaking a unit of witch elves with ASF and a death hag in it in one round of combat and they’ll instantly respond with percentages ranging from 15.7 to 42.3 as well as a heated debate about the pros and cons of paying for a musician.

Another puzzling phenomenon on Pluto is the incredible focus and endurance of Plutonians. These people can play five back to back games, each lasting two to three hours, and at the end of 15 solid hours of gaming interrupted by nothing but two toilet breaks, they will proceed to explain the results of every dice roll that occurred during that day to anyone willing to listen. After an hour or two of passionate recounting they will go home and sacrifice a night of sleep as their brains continue to process every move, roll and decision they made during the day, again and again. On waking the following day they are able to do it all again on nothing more than a bacon roll and a cup of coffee. Truly remarkable!

From time to time a daring Plutonian will attempt to start a conversation not related to gaming – usually when this happens there is some nervous twitching and frightened looking about. If the group feels that their status quo is not in danger of being completely devastated they will tentatively add to the pool of conversation, all the time hoping that the diversion doesn’t last too long. A typical conversation might go like this:

• So, anyone see the news about Eugene Terreblanche dying?
• Uh, yes. Hmmmph.
• Oh well, I guess he had it coming.
• Yeah. Yip. Poor guy, he had no chance.
• Nope. Got hacked by two guys with pangas.
• Fuck. That’s like an Empire captain with one wound left getting taken out by two black Orcs with extra hand weapons…
• Geez! You’re right!
• No way! Did you see how Sean took out my black Orcs with his Hellblaster!
• I hate Hellblasters… (etc)

One of the most visible signs that they come from another planet is their immunity to Venutian magic. Take a pretty Venutian to an all Martian braai for instance and she can single handedly stop all proceedings as Martians drop braai tongs, spill beer and cease conversation, completely bewitched. Take a pretty Venutian to a Plutonian event and nobody skips a beat – in fact most Plutonians are not even aware that she is present, such is their supernatural focus and cerebral distraction.

Martian expats are not always easily accepted on Pluto, but if you’re planning an extended visit any time soon, here are some tips for getting by on Pluto:

1. Read the rule books. These are Plutonian dictionaries. It’s easier to get by when you can speak Plutonian.
2. Don’t hug Plutonians! They don’t do hugs unless they’re French. (You might be able to hug their Venutian mates, but don’t push it.)
3. Tone down your enthusiasm. Plutonians are cool and reserved on the whole, unless they’re rolling 1′s or 6′s.
4. Don’t mention cheese. They don’t like cheese – especially the smelly blue kind.
5. Black T-Shirts with gothic prints are essential.
6. Paint your shit. Plutonians respect painted shit.

You will not see this article on National Geographic!

1. McMuffin McMeal breakfasts

“But they make you fat” – what…ever!! Heaven on a English muffin, and McD’s make a great cappuccino.

2. Camping with my kids

There’s nothing better in this world for me. Collecting wood with the boys for evening campfires; hiking through the bush; lunches at waterfalls; braai’d marshmallows; catching frogs and worms for fishing; whittling walking sticks; and fire-baked bread.

3. Tabletop war games

I’ve been playing complex tabletop war games for about 8 years now, mostly Warhammer, a hobby that involves assembling and painting miniature soldiers, and then warring against an opponent on miniature lifelike terrain using tape measures, handfuls of dice and hundreds of pages of intricate rules. It appeals to my whole personality and is an outlet for so many of my interests and passions: creativity; warfare; history; statistics; strategy; mathematics; fantasy; competition; and not least of all, beers and laughter with friends.

4. Music

I couldn’t live without music. I’m always singing a song in my head and tapping out rhythms on every surface I pass. Whenever I walk into a shop or a mall I’m always instantly aware of what’s playing behind the noise of the crowd. I might be walking with a friend and tell them, “I haven’t heard this song for years” and their response is, “what song?” because they haven’t even noticed the music yet in the noise of the crowd. I had a band in Durban some years back and if I had the space now I’d start another. I often get lost in a song while driving and end up travelling 10km past my destination. I’m currently listening to Muse, Killers, Evanescence, Live and Pink Floyd. Music heals me and gives me a place to express all the emotion that is so ‘unacceptable’ in polite society.

5. Cigars, whisky and leather couches

If I’m thinking of a night out, I look for a Karaoke bar (see previous point) or a cigar lounge. I can spend many hours with a long cigar and a good scotch on a luxurious leather couch with a close friend and a philosophical point to ponder. Unfortunately I don’t seem to have too many friends who share this notion or even know what it looks like, but that just gives me another bucket list goal – to start a cigar club; I’ll call it Plato’s pit.

6. Training

Not many people can put their jobs on a list of favourite things to do, but I get to earn a living doing the thing I love most – teaching; motivating; inspiring; encouraging; and challenging people. Through all the changes and career shifts of my life, this one thing has been constant. As a missionary, I trained. As a pastor, I trained. As an IT manager, I trained. As a school teacher, I trained. I finally worked what I was and started calling myself a trainer.

7. Sex

One of the most negative effects of religion in society is that it demonizes sex. Possibly the most glorious expression of beauty and love and pleasure known to man has been reduced to some sort of secret activity that shouldn’t be discussed or thought about outside of the narrow requirements of a particular religion, sect or societal norm. People who think about sex “too much” are labeled “perverts” and have a “problem” – gimme a break! The vast majority of men are thinking about sex all the time, because it’s great! Anyway, enough ranting from me; I’ll write another article on the subject, but needless to say, sex is one of those things that make my life great!

8. Technology

If it’s got buttons, microchips, software, lights or makes noise – I love it! I live in a great era where technology doubles in the world every couple of years – wow – and because of my intuitive relationship with all things IT, I get to have tons of fun and learn new things every day.

9. Cooking (and eating)

I’m always surprised by people (especially moms) who throw baked beans on toast for supper because they feel “uninspired” about cooking a meal. For these folk cooking has become a necessary chore and food is nothing more than fuel to keep the family running. I have never felt that way about cooking – even when I’m doing it every day. Cooking is an opportunity to stretch the right brain daily and at the end of it you get to eat cool stuff too, what could be better? It’s like finger painting with ingredients! I get hungry just thinking about it: coconut curries; tomato pastas; vegetable bakes; stuffed Hungarian cabbage rolls; sticky sweet chicken breasts; creamy Greek salads… sigh.

There you go. Let me know what gives your lives meaning.

1. Build fortresses

This is a great creative activity and works especially well for boys. You will need to collect a bunch of odds and ends like: nails; wire; glue; cardboard; elastic bands; bits of metal and wood; tins of various sizes; paints; and those great pieces of polystyrene packaging that surround appliances which look like fortresses just waiting to be cut and painted! Then dive in and start building. Turn tins into towers and cardboard and string into draw bridges with chains. Make moats and elevators and stairways. Just let the imagination flow. Add to the fortresses those cheap plastic world war two soldiers and your kids will have hours of fun.

2. Build a race car game

Get a big sheet of cardboard or paper and draw a grand prix style track. Intersect the track with lines every 5cm or so. Then either use small toy cars or cut out little cardboard car shapes and paint the each one a different color. You will need a dice. Each member of the family chooses a car and places it on the starting section. Then race around the track by rolling the dice in turn. You can add your own rules like: 6′s roll again; 1′s miss a turn; etc. Have a statistics sheet and record each game’s positions, working out averages, best ‘times’ etc. I have had hours of fun and laughter doing this with my kids. They keep upgrading the track and the cars and the rules with each game.

3. Go to the zoo

Kids absolutely love animals, and city kids seldom get to go see them live, so book a Saturday at the zoo. When you get tired you can always hire one of those golf buggies – the kids LOVE that!

4. Have ice cream at a park

There are great parks with lakes and playgrounds all over the place. This gets the kids out into the sun and costs virtually nothing. Take a ball along and kick it around for a while. Take the dogs.

5. Have your kid’s friends over for a braai

Get the family into the garden with your kid’s friends. Kids get bored with their parent’s company and need to spend time with friends their age. Light a fire, make boerewors rolls and let them have fun. When they start running out of ideas, start a game of boules or croquet on the lawn.

6. Read to your kids

Just pick up an interesting book and read. It’s always warm and cozy to read together as a family all cuddled up in bed. Read with expression.

7. Broken story

As you all sit in the lounge start a story. Literally tell a story starting with “Once upon a time…” say three sentences and then ‘pass the story on’ to the person on your left. That person must continue the story and say three more sentences. You will have great fun going around the room several times and seeing how each child throws their own personality and creativity into the story. You also learn a lot about your kids this way.

8. Have a dance party

Clear out the coffee table, turn up your kids’ favorite music (I feel your pain if it’s the Jonas Brothers), and have a family disco. Invite their best buddies over and do all sorts of crazy moves and dances. Have each child demonstrate their own dance while everyone copies them. Make pink and blue non-alcoholic cocktails and even dress up for the occasion in fancy dress.

9. Go fishing

Find a nearby lake or dam where fishing is permitted, pack some chairs and a picnic and get your kids cheap fishing rods for the occasion. Show them how to attach a hook and bait and how to cast. If the fish aren’t biting and they start getting bored, unpack the picnic and have a feast.

10. Go camping

Camping is one of the greatest things you can do with your kids, ever! Campfires at night; fishing at dusk; collecting wood; hiking; pitching tents; cooking camp food; exploring; keeping out the bugs; horse riding; bird watching… the healthy, soul-restoring things you can do on camp is endless. Your kids will unwind, relax and be kids again – and so will you. Camping requires a small investment up front but it is one of the best investments into your family you will ever make. Once you have the stuff you need, camping is very budget friendly. I suggest the following minimum basics which can be found at camping stores, Macro, Sportsman’s Warehouse… pretty much anywhere:

• Tents
• Gas cooker
• Lights for inside the tents and walking around
• Portable table and chairs
• Ground sheet and tarpaulin for a central gathering/social area
• Inflatable mattresses and pump
• Sleeping bags
• Fishing equipment
• A box of cheap kitchen crockery and cutlery (plastic or tin)

Share your ideas for fun and inexpensive things to do with your kids. Leave a comment.