10 Things I’d tell my 18 year old self if I could go back in time
At about age 35 (or thereabouts) you start to see the world differently; you don’t feel any different in your core personality, but you’ve banged your head enough times and been dealt enough crappy cards to start questioning a few things and even start regretting some of the decisions of your youth – in a word you grow up. Ok, so that’s two words… Melancholics!
One of the things that changed for me was that I finally realized I wasn’t Superman. Yes, I used to believe I could jump tall buildings in a single bound, and almost could; or win every argument through sheer force of character, without knowledge; or cure cancer, in Jesus name! Now I’m happy if I can get through a day without taking Voltaren for my back or finding a letter from a creditor in the post box. Things aren’t as simple now as they were at age 18, and although that doesn’t make life any less worth living, it does sometimes make me wish I could go back in time and give myself some advice or at least a klap across the head. So here are some of the things I would tell myself – some of them I worked out early on my own and others… well, I wish I had.
1. Travel. There is a huge difference between those that have left the caves of their miniscule existence in their home, their suburb, their local McDonalds, and those who haven’t. People who travel develop a balanced world view and a level of tolerance that you don’t find in insular communities.
2. Get a degree. It really doesn’t matter what degree, just do the three to five years required to get the certificate. This develops the habit for reading and study in your adult years, but most importantly it opens vital career opportunities. On the flip side if you’re well into your twenties or more and don’t have a degree then start one now – it’s never too late.
3. Learn how to use a computer. I can’t stress this enough. It won’t be long before most of our activities are virtual. You need to enter the working world with I.T. competency – right now that means knowing your way around Microsoft Office and the Internet as a minimum standard.
4. Turn off the TV. Read my two articles on the matter. ‘Nuff said.
5. Learn about accounting and tax. Whether you’re going to spontaneously launch your own small business or just keep your personal affairs in order, you’re going to need to know how these things work. Save yourself a lot of trouble and heartache and learn this young!
6. Think twice about getting married young… or even at all. Sure, society has been promoting this way of life since the beginning of time, but the facts are overwhelming against marital success, especially for those who marry young. I know the religious among us gasp in astonishment at this notion, but let them gasp, and you live your life with your eyes wide open. Love because you want to love, not because you’re looking to find a slave you can control forever, or become a slave to a religious or legal contract. Love, intimacy and commitment have nothing to do with contracts. If you are married, chill – I’m not speaking a death sentence over your relationship, but many of you, if you were honest enough to admit it, would agree that it may not have been the best idea ever.
7. Have sex. If you have a (consensual) lover or spouse, don’t deny each other; pleasure each other; give each other plenty of orgasms; spend tons of time being naked together; and liberate your sexuality. Society in general and religion in particular make us deny our sexuality, relegating it to embarrassing conversations in private corners; or dingy downtown porn shops; or to the purpose of procreation alone (in the missionary position of course). This is insane! People who don’t have regular sex are usually miserable and uptight. Be safe of course!
8. Live according to your means. I see thousands of young people living someone else’s dream for their lives, which generally involves buying a house in a suburb; and a luxury car; and a swimming pool; and the latest in technology; and… and… and! If you want to be an artist then you should go ahead and pursue your dream, but understand that it will mean being real about how you live and what you have. At the end of the day it really doesn’t matter if you’re living in a one bedroom flat in the middle of the city if you’re doing what you’re passionate about. You can always swim in someone else’s pool.
9. Learn another language. The joke goes, “What do you call someone who speaks three languages?” (Trilingual), “Good, and what do you call someone who speaks two languages?” (Bilingual), “Good, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?” (American). One of the most useful things you will ever do is learn another language. It will open your mind and improve your capacity for understanding the world you live.
10. Don’t always follow the rules. Some rules make sense and following them is wisdom. Some rules make no sense at all and are designed to control you or keep you from inconveniencing someone else at your expense. Some rules have been there for hundreds of years and no one can remember who made them or why we’re still following them. Some rules are worthy and yet at times it is still wisdom to break them for a worthier purpose. Question the rules you live by, ask yourself why they’re there and whether those reasons make sense. The greatest men (and women) in history became great because they broke a rule, not because they were sheep who blindly followed. See my article on being a salmon, not a sheep. There are worse things in life than getting into trouble – living without passion is one of them.
Hmmm… I think this needs another post.
Man…
These are really great points that one should act upon. Particularly, points 1,3…8 and 10 are no excuse for anybody, irrespective of age now. I wonder why this article have no single comment (until now) from people. I think this is quite mind-broadening and life-improving if people could digest.
However, I agree that sex is a very important part of an individual’s life and should be discussed (if possible, like we discuss football). But don’t you think, Deon, that a teenager ought to know how to go about it healthily to avoid consequences?
Well up dude!
You and I unfortunately learnt the hard way! Never too late though!
Been reading some of your articles, and we are on the same age!
Nice blog, keep up the good work and thank you for sharing.
Thank you Deon, now if only my 19 year old will read it and take it seriously especially numbers 2, 6 and 8.
Sometimes we have to live with the consequences in order to grow up – learning from them is another matter – that is when we are truly grown up.
Thank you for sharing.